Says who… — Ms Not So Little Smarty Pants

Who said that as a woman when I walked out of my door, I needed to have my hair perfect, makeup on, and my clothes without spots, stains, or wrinkles. Why? For what purpose? What if, what if?? Seriously, I could what if you forever. So many different scenarios to use as examples. If I’m […]

via Says who… — Ms Not So Little Smarty Pants

Consider this lovely reblog my call in for tomorrow.  I’m still tired.  My plague is better, but I still feel like I could sleep for a century.  Why don’t humans hibernate?!

Actually it was 70 yesterday so I had to leave my house to go to the store and things because my husband had a to do list for us.  Thankfully he didn’t wake me up until 11 am, but I could have easily crawled back under the covers and gone back to sleep.

For a short time Friday night Jude and I watched Curious George and George was trying to hibernate.  Like all mammals he managed to sleep overnight.  I envy George.  Even if I fail I wish I had the time to try to hibernate until spring.

And like this blogger, I do good to remember to brush my hair most days.  And I wear an all cotton knit jacket all the time (I have multiples of it in different colors) and you wouldn’t believe the amount of dog hair and my own hair that accumulates in the crochet/knit loops.

This blogger is new, but I’ve been following her since she started and I tend to agree with her.  Check her out in your spare time.

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Did Stuff

I did stuff yesterday.  I wrote for 2 hours or so on a book.  I moderated a chat for Adria Waters within my book club.  I consulted on a Scentsy party my friend is hosting.

My plague is improving, I even stopped in for 3 minutes on the HJ page to answer a question from a reader and give Hope HN a hard time and a giggle, hopefully.

However, I’m continuing to take sick days.  I don’t know how many, more than 1 less than 30 is kinda where I’m at.

I have a feeling I overdid it yesterday, especially since it was 1 am before I went to bed.

Malachi set a new high score on a video game called Be A King, good job Malachi (yes I just play the same video games over and over by using fictional characters – weird but fun).  He also has the most trophies at the moment.

I should feel like myself by the end of next week.  I’m hoping I feel like myself by then, I’m starting to miss interacting with readers and I have shit to do.  As a matter of fact, while being sick my to do list has just kept growing and growing and growing.  Which makes sense since I’m not doing a damn thing right now that is constructive in anyway, but I’m enjoying playing some video games and taking it slow on writing.  Never thought I’d say that.

So yes, I should be back at it eventually.  I’d say soon, but everyone’s definition of soon is so different.  Who knows I may pop back by social media before I’m 100% recovered from plague (which they keep telling me is the super version of the common cold, but I’m still not convinced).

A Cold makes me Sound Drunk

So it turns out having a cold makes me sound drunk even before I start taking NyQuil.  I apologize for last night’s blog post or yesterday’s blog post, whenever it was.

Huh.  I still sound drunk.  I responded to a comment on yesterday’s post and sounded just as drunk.  Oddly, I’m not drinking heavily.  I take NyQuil capsules in the afternoon when my sinus headache gets really bad and at night when my cough and sinus headache get bad again.

Today is Friday right?  Husband went to work so it must be a weekday.  I don’t even know anymore.  Since I know I don’t sound right in the head, I’m calling in today too.  Do I need to call in over the weekend if I still feel sick?  Interesting question.  I’ll ponder on it.

And it’s not the vicodin, which is even crazier.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me except that my sinsuses hurt, my body hurts, my head hurts, everything just hurts.

I did find a title for my first and probably only ever non-fiction book:  I Am an Invisible Warrior: A Patient’s Battle With CRPS kudos to my lovely editor for it!  I really don’t pay her enough for what she does.  Right now she’s making my Dreams series bible.  It will be Amazing when she is done because she finds stuff I had completely forgotten about!  Love her.

Armchair MD

When you have a rare disorder you begin to read up on everything that could have caused it.  For example, I once had measles when I was 7 or 8.  I have no measles immunity despite multiple vaccinations and getting measles.

I also still have plague which will make you a hypochondriac.  So as I was researching measles yesterday or the day before?  Good grief what is today?  Friday?  Tuesday?  I don’t know.  I ate a Peruvian Hot Cherry Pepper tonight, now my voice sounds better, but there is more sinus drainage than Niagra Falls going on in this body.

Which might be why I had a stomach ache the other night.  One night before tonight, as I sit typing this with plague and forgetting what the Hell I am talking about…  And the problem is that it is draining inside, not outside.  I should be using boxes of Kleenexes by the case, but I’m not.  I’ve used one all day, maybe two… Kleenexes, not boxes of them.

So measles.  I was checking to see if having Measles as a child might have made me more susceptible to CRPS, because you know, it’s the 21st century, right?  Yes.  So, not everyone and their brother gets measles anymore, although if your a kid and live at home and your brother gets measles, you probably will too regardless of vaccination status, just ask my sister.  Her and I had the pleasure of having different strains of measles at the exact same time… What the hell?  That seems like a freak thing to happen in the 1980s regardless.

Measles, right… but having measles does make you more susceptible to plague, I mean the common cold, Rhinovirus.  In some patients with measles, researchers discovered that their ability to make antibodies for one of the most common types of viruses on the planet was inhabited after they had measles, for their entire life.  I think I need to go join that research group, as a patient, since Rhinovirus is like having plague and lasts for centuries or some nonsense once I get it.

Okay, I’m taking tomorrow off again… consider this my call in for tomorrow morning.  Oh, I’ll just set it to post tomorrow morning and we can consider it my call in.  So everything happened tonight, whatever night that is… I’m still sick and not coming to work tomorrow.

Holly, Tracy(?), Susannah(?), Darlene, and whoever else I’m supposed to mail things to, I will get to it as soon as this crap passes.  I have a list somewhere so if I die, it should all get mailed anyway.

Everyone kind of enough to message and comment, thank you.  I will check it when I don’t feel like a steam train ran over my head.  Hopefully by the end of weekend and yes, I do still have books available, I don’t know what they are off the top of my head because I’m not sure I could find the top of my head.  Wasn’t this post about measles?  Did I talk about measles and the common cold?  Oh good, I did.  I read through it.  I need to take some medicine and go to bed or something.  Yes, this is my brain on a cold without medication.  Imagine what it would be like medicated… zzzzzzzzzzz… that’s right, I’d be snoring because I’d be able to sleep…

Ok, setting this for the morning so everyone knows I’m taking another sick day, possibly two.  Who on earth misses two weeks of work because of a freaking cold?  Me I guess and I work from home.  Oh wait, I forgot, this is Super Rhinovirus it aspires to be Flu and just wasn’t made from the right stuff… like so many of us.

I aspire to be HP Lovecraft.  But I fail miserably.  I’m not nearly as scary as he was in his short stories.  Rats is one of the few things to ever trigger nightmares and might be why I’m afraid of them.  Rats and topiary, this is why I need anxiety medicine.  Who is afraid of topiary?  Thanks Mr. King for that weird phobia.

Did I write about measles and my sister?  In 1988, my sister was 17 or maybe 18 and she came to stay with us because she got measles and then I got measles, but we had different kinds of measles.  How insane is that?  The MMRs given in 1970-something were bad so a lot of people got measles, mumps, and rubella even though they’d been vaccinated – I wasn’t vaccinated with that batch, I wasn’t even thought of in 1970-something.  I just don’t have immunity, even after 9 MMRs, I still have no measles immunity, it’s nuts.  I don’t remember much from it, like my sister also being sick.  I only remember she was sick because I had to sleep in my mom’s bed because she slept in mine and my mom had a bucket on the floor between her bed and the wall.  I only remember throwing up in the bucket.  I don’t remember getting out of bed for any reason, including visiting a doctor, but I’m sure I did.  Or eating or going to the bathroom or drinking anything, but I’m sure I did those things too.  So, I won’t be writing any in-depth stories regarding my time with measles.  I think I was unconscious for most of it.

So yes, consider this my call in notice for the day.  I’m still sick and I don’t know if I’ll be better tomorrow.  Maybe I’ll eat another cherry pepper or something to see if that cures me.

A Sick Day or Three or a Week

With the news that I might not be over Plague ie: the common cold for up to 21 days, I have decided to give myself permission to be sick and miserable.  I don’t know for how long.  Long enough to start to feel a little better, because having a cold and CRPS is like being in crisis.

I can’t actually remember the last time I gave myself permission to just be sick and miserable with the crud.  Or anything really.  Even at my worst, I have always tried to persevere and get on with writing and checking Facebook and Twitter and being in the writing world that is Hadena James.

So let me apologize now for not responding to messages or comments or anything on Facebook or Twitter or even reading it.  I just want to be sick and maybe wallow in it a bit.

This means I probably won’t read any comments on this post until later in the week or maybe next week, depending on when I get to feeling a little more human and less like a carrier of the Zombie plague.

Because for a little over a week now, I have been fairly convinced that I am patient Zero of the Zombie apocalypse.

And yeah, that’s it.  I am giving myself permission to call in sick and actually be sick.  No Facebook, no Twitter, no checking blog comments, no trying to sneak a paragraph in here or there, nothing.  I am disconnecting from the universe and getting healthier, physically and maybe mentally.

The best thing I got to do this week was fire my pain management clinic.  It felt like such a burden had been lifted from me.  For about 10 minutes I forgot I had plague and that I was sore and my hope returned.

I learned a new term this week:  I am a non-functioning chronic pain patient, but I am very hopeful that this new specialist, which I see for the first time on the 2nd of February will make me a functioning chronic pain patient.

And at some point work will resume on Demonic Dreams, The Dysfunctional Mob, and with everyone’s blessings my non-fiction book on CRPS.  Unfortunately, that mostly has to wait until I’m a functioning chronic pain patient.  I’ve been struggling to work in 2 hour blocks, because that’s as long as the Vicodin lasts me – it doesn’t make me pain free, just comfortable in my own skin – but I’m not built to write 2 hours at a time, my brain thinks of things and then instantly forgets them because of pain and taking notes doesn’t help because they don’t make sense to me when the next 2-hour block hits.

The Common Cold: Rhinovirus

I learned something from my doctor this year, the Rhinovirus, which causes the common cold is much worse than normal. It is lasting up to 21 days and mimicking Influenza symptoms which is why I feel like I probably have Plague. Luckily it isn’t Y. Pestiis responsible for my feeling like crap and it’s not a sinus infection… it is a plain old Rhinovirus.

So perhaps this year, we should avoid people with the common cold like they are carrying Y. pestiis bacteria.

Probabaly Not Plague

So I probably have a sinus infection. I go at 2:30 to get my cold re-evaluated. And everyone cross your fingers toes, and pray to whatever higher power you believe in that since my primary has changed my specialist, he is willing to do an early 1-time refill of my pain meds – I took my last one this morning because having a cold is no different than being in crisis. And that he is willing to do a 1-time refill of my Lyrica. He prefers to let the specialists handle these things, but since I am out of pain meds now, because contrary to what pain management wants 1-2 pills a day does nothing to help my pain so I end up taking 3-4 pills a day. And they don’t give me Lyrica refills even though they could.

And that they do something about my Plague.

Cold or Plague

I’m beginning to think I have plague.  Not because I have a lot of symptoms of plague, but because I’m wrapping up day 8 of this cold.  Mostly, it’s a sore throat, a terrible sinus headache that makes me want to pluck my eyes out and because I have bad teeth and my sinuses sit low in my face, my teeth hurt – I wouldn’t mind removing all of them with pliers either.  They could go into a jar next to my eyes.

My sinuses drain constantly which is why my throat hurts as bad as it does.

I thought I was going to get a touch of something worse there for two days when I ran a fever a few times.  It never got above 101.3, but at least if it had been a consistent fever, I’d have something other than a cold – something that could be treated with more than NyQuil.

At night, I get a bit of a cough.  Nothing bad, just enough to let me know it’s there.

I’ve been sleeping covered in Lidocaine patches… like a lidocaine mummy trying to keep the pain down in my hip and spine.  It hasn’t been working.  Pretty sure I can overdose on lidocaine patches, but so far so good there.  I have no idea what that would take, but since they have very explicit instructions about how to use them, 12 hours on, 12 hours off… it seems like the run an overdose risk.  Maybe I should have someone read the directions and precautions section on them.  Hm, think I’m still wearing the ones I put on last night… well that’s not good.

Still avoiding social media.  Still have books.  Still have things to ship.  My apologies to everyone.  I didn’t realize I was going to get the Resident Evil version of a cold.  Or that getting a cold would make my pain worse.

Feed A Cold

This cold is leaving me starving, but I’m using the old motto of Feed A Cold, Starve A Fever…

Tonight I fed it lots of peppers, garlic, and onion. Unfortunately, they were sweet peppers not hot peppers, but a pepper is a pepper, to some degree. Took a 5 hour afternoon nap after sleeping 12 hours last night.

Tomorrow I’m going to make some tacos with leftover roast and hot peppers and feed it that.

If I wasn’t on Lyrica I’d be trying shots of whiskey at this point, because sleeping this much and having CRPS in the hips and possibly the spine is torturous. I hurt so much from sleeping that I am staggering cold medicine and Vicodin.

My ears have drained enough fluid and crap that it has actually started to drain out of my ears while I sleep. I cannot keep them clean at this point.

I feel my body violated the No-Pain peach treaty we had agreed upon – I wouldn’t overdo it and it wouldn’t make me want to chop off body parts. I was holding up my end. Seems that by failing to make little cold antibodies it violated the No-Pain treaty because it let me get a cold that does nothing but make me hurt. Asshole body.

QI & The Bestie

My best friend discovered the joys of QI tonight, which normally would have been freakin’ awesome.  Tonight, I couldn’t have cared less.  I kept dropping hints that I was sick.  I ran a fever for the first time with my cold tonight.  I literally could not get warm.  It wasn’t high, 101.3 just enough to be considered a fever.

But she finally fell in love with QI so I didn’t want to be like “I am sick as fuck and would you please stop texting me so I can go to bed… like now?”

I have spent years of my life telling her how amazing the show is…  So of course she falls in love with it on the day I run a fever and feel like I’ve been beaten up and left for dead by the side of  the road.

That is the way the universe works.  Pretty sure I’m channeling my inner Nadine there, but the irony isn’t lost on me.  If it had been last week, I would have called her and we could have had a 4 hour conversation about how great the show was.  Tonight I was struggling to keep up with texts.

I finally tucked my tablet into bed and went and ate some supper and then watched part of a TV show because the night I run a fever, my husband decides to start doing the demolition part of the bathroom remodel.  Now, I’m just killing time until I can take another dose of tylenol to help with my fever and go to bed… where I might finally get freakin’ warm.

And yes, my tablet really is all tucked into the covers.  I figured if I couldn’t be snuggled down into them, something of mine should be, that way I could be there in spirit.

Plus I’m finding if I go to bed at around 7-8 pm, I’m awake at 5 am, which is just awful.  However, if I wait until 11:00ish, I’m sleeping until 10 or so.  I don’t know why I only get 9 hours of sleep if I go to bed a little earlier, but nearly 11 hours if I stay up until a little later.  Then I nap for the majority of the day.

Maybe next week I will make a return to Facebook and Twitter and my life will regain something that doesn’t involve feeling like plague would be better.

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