Getting Closer

I wrote nearly 7,000 words yesterday.  According to my writing software, I’ll finish Demonic Dreams on March 29th now.  I have worked most of the time I have been out of bed today.

My house is full of nasty colds, it started Tuesday with my husband.  He’s had a bad enough cough that he went to the doctor on Tuesday and since then he has had days where he has run a fever off and on all day.

Today, my mom woke up sick.  Since Tuesday to Saturday isn’t a long enough incubation period even for a cold, she obviously didn’t get it from my husband, meaning her and him were probably exposed to it at relatively close times.

So much fun.

I am avoiding them in a desperate bid to not get it again, since I thought it was going to kill me in January and I don’t know that my body can handle the coughing and excessive sleeping again this year.

This means, I have been hiding in the garage working on Demonic Dreams all week as a result.  I stop at 5 so that I can spend a little time with family watching TV, before bed, but that’s it and I’m not eating or drinking after any of them and I have been sleeping in the spare room.


In Other News… Demonic Dreams

Demonic Dreams is coming right along.  I have 55,000 words written on it and still some fun action sequences to write.  Now that I’m through the “boring stuff” it is moving at a much better pace.  There is still quite a bit to reveal and a few people to kill, which is where it should be at this stage with about 20,000 words left to write.

According to my writing software I will finish April 1, 2018.  Of course this is just an estimate based on how many words I am adding each day and now that they have exited the bunker/prison/whatever, it is easier to write…

The good news is that I can probably afford to pay my editor in April too.  Which means an April or May release depending on how busy she is and I have to get the cover finalized because I realized the other day, it’s still in draft form, we never finalized the back because I hate writing the jacket copy (the thing that goes on the back of a book and in the description).  One day I’ll find someone to pay to do that.  Maybe I should talk to my editor about it.  She’s always looking for ways to branch out her services and I don’t know many authors that like writing the jacket copy.

And as the writing moves along on Demonic Dreams, I’ve had a bit of a “ah ha” moment and think I might have made progress on the next two D&R novels, the next Reality novel, and the first in the Death Demon Trilogy.  We shall see when everything is said and done.

I do worry about putting out substandard work, especially with the Lyrica flowing through my veins.  I don’t have a lot of side effects with it, but I do have a few and those few are really weird… Like I now have a tendency to lock doors when I leave rooms and I don’t realize I’m doing it.  The first dozen or so times this happened everyone in my household was mystified as to how door such and such got locked.  Then one night, I was leaving the bathroom in the master bedroom and caught myself pulling the door shut and realized I had locked it behind me.  I didn’t shut it thankfully, but after I realized I had locked the door, I started paying attention and sure enough, I will exit a room and lock the door behind me for some reason.  I also keep losing things in my house.  Not like I have misplaced my car keys, but I will move something and not realize I moved it and then have no clue what I’ve done with it until someone magically finds it someplace weird.

I also feel kinda sorry for my editorThat, as I sometimes think aloud but the when I have on the headset microphone on.

An Excuse to Eat Salad

I’ve had an interesting couple of days.  I had 2 good pain days in a row, both times my pain was manageable using Tylenol 3.  I haven’t a clue what I did to make my pain less.  It was a nice change and I got a lot done.

Thursday though a new and strange pain hit me.  It wasn’t bad, more of an annoyance.  It was on the right side and far too high to be my appendix or an ovarian cyst.  I also started having trouble with nausea particularly when I ate.  I’ve thrown away a couple plates of food these last couple of days just because after a few bites, I couldn’t manage to get any more of it down.

I had a vague idea of what the problem was, even though I had never experienced it before.  It took me a phone call to my doctor’s office to confirm they wanted to see me because it appears I have a gallstone.

This is my first time having any trouble with my gallbladder and definitely my first gallstone.  The only reason I could sorta figure it out before I called the doctor and therefore didn’t require a trip to the ER was because my cousin Mel had them many years ago very badly.  So badly they immediately scheduled her for surgery and in the couple of days between when they decided to do surgery and when it was planned, her gallbladder actually ruptured.

I’m not worried about that.  I don’t think I have many or that it is very big.  I haven’t been in so much pain that I felt I needed to go the ER.  I haven’t had any vomiting or fever.  My doctor gave me some advice to get me through until he saw me.  Essentially, he gave me an excuse to eat salad.  Then I learned that taking a Benadryl shortly before you eat can limit the irritation of a gallstone… another win for Benadryl the Wonder Drug.  I tried it and managed to eat most of a cheeseburger on Saturday.

I’ve had to cut back on my meat intake which isn’t all that high to begin with as well as my dairy intake which is much higher and makes me a little sad.  This means my soda drinking is back up a bit.

And then another side effect hit tonight that I had been warned might happen, but hadn’t experienced until tonight… Severe heartburn.  When it first started, I wasn’t sure if I was having a heart attack or a panic attack… both were possibilities.  So I’m still up and trying to function at 2:15am.  I’m supposed to start physical therapy tomorrow but we are having issues getting it approved by insurance, because insurance companies are awesome.  Considering I’m up late with the worst heartburn I have ever experienced, I’m kinda hoping they don’t get it worked out before my 11 am appointment and I can sleep in.

I took a Zantac about 1:30, but it hasn’t started working yet.  Thankfully the Lyrica has improved my digestive system enough that I might give Tums or Maalox a try tomorrow if the heartburn returns.  I haven’t been able to use anything other than Zantac for the last decade or so, put since I’ve been able to add fruits of all sorts back into my diet on the Lyrica, I might be able to handle a fast acting antacid again.  Fingers crossed on that one.

When They Can’t Agree

I have now had two rheumatologists tell me that they think I have advanced CRPS.  I’ve also had two doctors tell me it isn’t CRPS that’s causing my pain.  Things like that make me unsure about keeping doctor’s appointments…

I have an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon that prescribed physical therapy this afternoon.  My pain management doctor seemed to hand off my treatment entirely to him.  Which sort of annoys me.  If I thought surgery was the best option, I would have had my primary make me an appointment with a surgeon not a pain management doctor.

To be fair, if surgery would decrease my daily pain even 10%, I’d do it in a heartbeat.  I am less inclined to do physical therapy since moving my hip a bunch makes it go from feeling broken to feeling crushed.  That is an odd pain sensation, just FYI.  You never really think about the different sensations your body creates until they are destroying your life.  Since I was 15 I have felt a crushed bone sensation in my hands and forearms.  I’ve been checked for everything from carpal tunnel syndrome to autoimmune disorders to electrical stimulation tests of my nerves in my arms, hands, legs, and back with no relief or diagnosis.

Now my hip alternates from sharp stabbing pain in what feels like the bone to a “the bone has been crushed” pain the more I use it.  I don’t know if physical therapy will help with that sensation.  It has never helped with it in my arms, lower legs, or hands.

We’ll see what the surgeon says today and go from there.

Other Way Around

Yesterday I mentioned the governor of my state had been indicted on felony charges for sharing nude photos of his former mistress to get back at her.  She claims the photos were taken without her knowledge or consent.

Which sparked some debate in my state… How could he have taken them without her knowledge.  I find that easy enough to believe.  In This day and age when everyone has a camera, cell phone, and internet at their fingertips it has become much easier to take pictures on the sly.

Even if the flash did go off, by then the picture has still been taken and it is invasion of privacy because she did not consent before it happened.  Governor Greitens has not bolstered his populator in the two years since he was elected, because he enacted legislation that Missourians have voted down several times, primarily Right To Work laws.

When the story first broke over a month ago, I knew two things: one Greitens would most likely be found guilty due to his unpopularity and two that a debate would arise as to how he managed to take the pictures without her knowledge.

In a case of ‘Imagine that” the Governor’s supporters have denounced the charges and the media coverage saying the indictment was spurred by fake news.  I have trouble believing the prosecutor for the City of St. Louis filed charges based on fake news reports.  I’m sure there is more evidence than that in their arsenal.  I am so tired of hearing the term “fake news” which seems to be a convenient label to put on any news report that doesn’t agree with someone’s opinion.  It makes me a bit nostalgic for the days when The Onion was the biggest fake news outlet and it was obvious that it was fake news.

The point is, it will be hard for either side to get a fair trial in this case because the governor is a public figure who has damaged his own credibility in many ways by forgetting to mention his political standpoint on issues that were key to this state.  We have voted on Right to Work legislation the last three or four elections and it has always failed in the State of Missouri and failed miserably.  The majority of our state is rural.  However, we have tons of skilled laborers from drywallers to concrete finishers to plumbers and Governor Greitens has attacked those in skilled labor multiple times, not just with Right to Work legislation that the state did not get to vote for this time, but by trying to pass legislation that would ban Unions in the state.

Which means the governor’s guilt may or may not be decided by his reputation.  Furthermore, if he does go to prison on felony charges, which is looking like a possibility, will the replacement governor repeal some of the legislation that Greiten’s signed into place, which is something the acting Governor, in this case our Lieutenant Governor could do and in the state of Missouri the governor and the lieutenant governor run separately and we have had massive disagreements between the two positions in the past because one has been a Republican and the other a Democrat… For the record, our lieutenant governor was not pro-Right to Work nor was he interested in making Unions illegal in the state of Missouri, so repealing Right to Work laws would bolster the Lieutenant Governor’s position if Governor Greiten’s goes to prison…

Also there is a lot of “he said/she said” in this case.  The difference between which side you believe is the difference between a felony and a misdemeanor.  If she knew the picture was being taken, it’s a misdemeanor not a felony.  Which is why there is debate about whether you can actually take a picture of someone using your cell phone without their knowledge.  Which is why it is so important to figure out whether she knew or not that he was taking a picture of her nude before he did it.

However, part of me can’t help but wonder, if it was the other way around, if the mistress had snapped a picture of the governor nude without his consent if the discussion would be the same.  One of the things you learn very quickly as a history major is that history is written by those with the best publicists.  Usually the rich and powerful which his mistress is not…  She is not famous, she is not a person with serious means like the Governor is, she is just a woman who went through a divorce and ended up having an affair with Governor Greiten’s while he was still just an attorney in the city of St. Louis.  That raises another question for me though… Greiten’s was an attorney, that’s where he made his name and money to run for Governor, meaning he should have known what he was doing was illegal and it becomes an ethics violation… So even if he isn’t found guilty, could and would he be disbarred by the Missouri Law Association?

Because while he may not have realized it, his political career ended the day he signed Right to Work legislation because Missourians have always been so incredibly anti-Right to Work.  The state is full of billboards that remain in place saying “Right to Work, Wrong for Missourians”.

The best publicist in the world isn’t fixing that, they did manage to sign it very quietly.  There are a large number of Missourians that still don’t realize Governor Greiten’s went around the vote and just signed Right to Work into being.  I believe it goes into effect in 2019, so they will know by the end of next year.  That has been the habit of the Governor’s office since he took his position, no announcements, no fanfare on the news, he just does things and hopes someone can make it sound better when Missourians figure it out.

That is the part that I think will affect this trial.  The Attorney General of Missouri has investigated the governor on ethics issues since he took office.  Using non-secure messenger systems to communicate with staff, using systems that makes data from messenger and emails non-recoverable or obtainable by the public… He and his inner circle of staff began using an app called Confide to communicate.  It does not store any data, you can’t take screenshots of messages, nothing…  Greiten’s has claimed that Attorney General Hawley is out to get him, but Sunshine laws stipulate that all communications coming out of the Governor’s office should be accessible by request from the people of the state of Missouri, using an app that doesn’t allow that to be possible does seem like a violation of his oath.  The Governor and his staff have quit using Confide in theory, since the investigation began and Greiten’s claimed not to know the finer points of the Sunshine Laws… Which seems unlikely since he was an attorney in the State of Missouri before he was governor.

In a rarity, I actually voted for Greiten’s, I don’t normally vote for incredibly conservative political candidates.  I don’t give a shit that he had a mistress, that doesn’t actually surprise me and it has no influence on my opinion of Governor Greiten’s.  What does surprise me is the zeal at which he has gone back on everything he said he stood for, I am particularly attached to Right to Work and Unions since my father was a truck driver, concrete finisher, and heavy equipment operator for most of his life.  For someone that was supposed to stand for Missourians and their right to earn a living, Right to Work is a betrayal of that tenant.  Much like the billboards say “Right to Work, Wrong for Missouri.”  The fact that it was voted down on three occasions proves that it is not something Missourians wanted or needed, most of the states that surround us have Right to Work laws and we’ve learned by example that they are problematic for earning a wage in a job that requires some technical skill.  However, part of the reason I voted for Greiten’s is because he failed to mention he was pro-Right to Work while his opponent was very vocal about being pro-Right to Work.  When he first passed the legislation the only news outlet to have a big story about it was the St. Louis Post dispatch, it wasn’t until the following day that other news outlets began to cover it.

I mention this because up until recently the St. Louis Post Dispatch has been mostly pro-Greitens.  Now they are reporting on Greiten’s in the news in a different manor… Oh how the mighty have fallen.  See, I’m willing to acknowledge there is a bias in news reporting.  It is human, as reporters are nothing more than mere humans who have biases based on beliefs and experiences.  It would not be as effective if they were all completely unbiased, the news would read like sterile pieces of writing that failed to capture our attention.  We watch the news as much for the hosts as for the news itself.  We all have our favorite anchors and newspapers… because we are as biased as the reporters of the news.

As there are more developments I’m sure I will post about this again.  A grand jury has indicted the Governor of Missouri on felony charges stemming from him sharing a nude photo of his former mistress… It is something to be followed…


The Era of Revenge Porn

Have an ex that screwed you over?  We live in a day and age where revenge porn is a real thing.  This means that you took pictures of an ex and posted them either on the internet or sent them to other people, probably their friends and family to get back at them.

And the Governor of Missouri has been indicted for sharing nude photos of his former mistress.  For the record, he is a conservative who ran on a platform of family values.  The Missouri senate and house has asked him to resign multiple times in the last few weeks since the city of St. Louis indicted him on felony charges of sharing nude photos of his former mistress without her consent.  He has refused.

Today, I got notification that Governor Eric Greitens has set up a GoFundMe for his legal fees to fight the felony charges.  Except he held a press conference admitting the woman was his former mistress and admitting that he may not have used the best judgement when she threatened to go public with the affair.  So it’s hard to believe he might be innocent…

In this case, it appears that the Governor sent the nude photos to the mistress’s ex-husband as well as some of the governor’s cronies.  If convicted he could serve prison time.  Hard to run the government from behind bars in my opinion.  This is the problem with our country.  We keep electing public officials who can’t do the job.  Greitens was already not my favorite official.  Not once during his campaign for office did he mention he was pro-right to work.  Once he was in office, he decided to not let the people of Missouri vote on the issue again.  He just wrote it into law… meaning Missouri is now a right to work state.  However, in the last ten years, Missourians have voted on Right to Work three different times and every time, we have won against Right to Work.  Right to work drops the prevailing wage for skilled laborers such as drywallers, concrete finishers, and plumbers.

Greitens also decided to become a union buster, attempting to write legislation that would remove unions from the State of Missouri.  All unions, even teacher unions have come under fire from Greitens.  He has alienated even those that voted for him.  Several of my friends that voted for Greitens have changed their minds and decided he might be the devil.

Being involved in a scandal that includes revenge porn is not helping his reputation.  Nor is it helping his “Working for the Families of Missouri” image.  Quite the opposite.  Now he has asked the people of Missouri who already pay his salary to help with his legal fees because he can’t keep it in his pants or make good decisions.

This case will be interesting to watch unfold as the mistress claims she did not consent to have the pictures taken.  If that’s true and in this day and age it very well could be.  I know everyone disagrees on whether she consented or not because they say it would be obvious that he was taking a picture of her, but I know it is actually fairly simple to sneak a picture in this day and age, just fake a text message or phone call since our phones are the thing we are most likely to take pictures with.  As long as the flash doesn’t go off and the sound is turned off, then you can do it without the other person knowing it has even happened.

We shall see what happens as the trial unfolds…

Cure or Kill

I got a hip injection yesterday.  The doctors are either going to cure or kill me.  Yesterday and today, I’m leaning towards kill.  I have the worst headache I have had in years.  It’s a tension migraine.  All the muscles on my right side have tightened up.  My calf thigh, back, shoulders, everything is so tight I can feel them trying to cramp up.

The injection made my pain worse.  I am sore from my waist to just below my knee and I have a stabbing pain in my thigh that I’ve never had before.  It has not relieved the pain in my hip.  It still might, I’m not going to cross it off the list of possibilities.  It can take up to 72 hours for a steroid injection to take effect.  The lidocaine that is supposed to numb the area as well as your immediately dull the pain doesn’t seem to work for me.  But I knew that.  That’s why I don’t have more dental work done.  It takes a ton of lidocaine before they can work on my teeth.  My gums don’t numb very easily either.

When I had to have one of my front teeth pulled the dentist told me while she was injecting more lidocaine that she was about at the max on shots trying to numb me enough to pull it out and if it didn’t work this time, she’d have to use gas on me.

Not so surprisingly, my pain is responding better to the Lyrica than it is the hydrocodone since the injection.  I believe they probably aggravated the nerves when they went through them to get to my hip joint and inject the steroids.  Hopefully, they work.  I hate to think I went through that again for them to not take effect at all.  At least last time they did a hip injection I was mostly pain free for about 4 days.

The pain was so bad in my back yesterday and so high up, I kept waiting for my urine to turn dark.  I thought the universe was playing a joke on me and the kidney stone they said would never move, had moved and was going to try to make an exit yesterday.  It never did and today the pain isn’t up as high nor as bad.  It’s still there, it’s just not passing a kidney stone bad in my back.

Lola curled up next to me in bed last night.  She had her head at my hip.  I think she was protecting the area from Kelly who is not as intuitive about pain as Lola seems to be.  There are times Lola will growl at Kelly for trying to climb into my lap.  But Lola is a protector by nature and she can tell there is something wrong with that hip.  She has started trying to lick it, even when I haven’t just been stabbed with a needle in it.  She’s a great dog.  I hope Kelly grows up to be as good a dog as Lola.  Not just because Lola is intuitive about pain, but because once Lola got out of puppy stage, she became a great dog.  And unless you are trying to give her a bath, she listens great.  She hates baths though.

Oh well.  So my plans for the day have changed.  I was hoping to get more work done today.  But with my pain level as high as it is, I probably won’t get a whole bunch completed.  So I’m taking the day off.  I haven’t a clue what I’m going to do, but it may be that I don’t do a whole lot of anything.

Marketability and Traditional Publishing

Traditional publishing is all about marketability of a book.  They want to reach the largest audience possible.  That’s not really a big deal.  That’s everyone.  Even self published authors want to reach the biggest audience possible, to a point.

To that end, when you sign a contract with a traditional publishing house, you are signing away some of your creative license.  They may like the story, with changes, and you may or may not agree with those changes, the point of those changes is to widen the audience that buys the book.

For me, traditional publishing wasn’t an option.  I didn’t want Aislinn Cain to have a love interest.  I didn’t want Nyleena to be married with children.  I didn’t want Malachi fawning over Aislinn in every scene they shared together.

Things I did want… To add a little gore when necessary to my story and not gloss over the gruesome dirty details.  Lucas to be involved in a healthy, homosexual relationship that wasn’t bogged down by unnecessary petting, touching, or pretending to not be gay.  Malachi to care for Aislinn, even love her in his own way, but for it to be an unobtainable reality for him, because Malachi usually gets what he wants.  For Nyleena to be a forty-something unmarried, childless woman with a career and no regrets about not going the traditional route of marriage, kids, dogs, mowing the lawn on a Saturday, kind of thing.  Lots of women are doing it and we rarely hear about the women who are strong enough to stand on their own without a man by their side while they climb the ladder of success and are appreciative of their own company and don’t need the drama a relationship, particularly a long term relationship brings.  Why can’t she be a healthy, normal, 40-something woman that doesn’t feel the need to clutter her life with kids and marriage?

However, these wants of mine make the books and series less marketable.  I know it.  Publishing houses know it.  So all the contracts I get offered make those sorts of stipulations… I must remove Aislinn’s asexuality from her personality.  Nyleena should be married and having a career.  Lucas should not be gay.  Malachi should be falling all over himself to be by Aislinn’s side.

By doing this they can market the books differently.  If Ace has love interests and there is no gore and no swearing, they can be marketed as romantic suspense thrillers where Ace is constantly saving whatever her love interest flavor of the book is from certain death… all the while the readers absolutely know that by the end of the series, Ace and Malachi are going to be living in a little house with a white picket fence and 3 or 4 kids and a handful of dogs and 2 cars, with neighbors they pretty much despise and Malachi is going to be flipping his lid every time something happens to Ace and there will be drama between Malachi and Gabriel – because Ace’s boss shouldn’t put her in harm’s way like that and he’s seen her naked.

I could have done that.  I didn’t want to, but I could have because that would have made the series as a whole more marketable, therefore, more profitable.  The money would have been nice, but I don’t think we’d be on book 13 or there about at this point.  I think the series probably would have ended before Fortified Dreams, which is my favorite.

However, when you write a book and go the traditional route, the publisher can have you to make changes to the characters, the plot, whatever is necessary to make the books more marketable, ie; more profitable. Their first and last thought about your book is how to make money.  That’s the part they care about and it’s the only part they care about.

Pain Tolerance

My best friend doesn’t consider me very pain tolerant, so she might get a kick out of this post.  However, I actually am.  I’m disproportionately pain tolerant, which is a problem.  The worse I hurt the less likely I am to make a fuss about it.

The surgeon decided what I needed was physical therapy, which is exactly what my doctor wants to avoid, because he’s afraid it will make me worse.  The surgeon also prescribed me Celebrex despite my telling him 3 different times that it causes me severe stomach pain, like run through with a pitchfork kind of pain…  The nurse told me it was up to me if I wanted to try using it or not.

My blood pressure was fairly high today, thanks to morning pain and I hurt pretty good after being examined… Which is another part of the problem, exams make me hurt worse after I leave than while they are doing them.

What do I mean by disproportionately pain tolerant?  I will cry if I get a paper cut.  However, even when I want to cut off my leg because the pain is so bad, I can’t shed a tear.  I don’t cry over migraines.  I occasionally get nauseated by the pain in my hip and lower legs and things, but I won’t cry or scream or make a scene.

I don’t know why.  Although I do remember once when they were putting my shoulder back into socket and I told them I didn’t need anything for them to do it, but they were putting someone else’s knee back in socket a room or two away from me… she was screaming, literally screaming from the pain.

I know for a fact knees hurt a little more than shoulders, I know because I’ve dislocated my knees.  Aside from an X-Ray showing my knee was dislocated and the fact that I couldn’t walk on it very well, you wouldn’t have guessed it wasn’t where it was supposed to be.  I was a teen when that happened, more than once, just FYI, I didn’t cry then either.  I should have.  At first they didn’t believe me and then they looked at it closely, decided to get an X-Ray and sure enough, they had to put it back in…  It hurt.  But I didn’t scream or cry over it.  it hurt but it wasn’t the end of the world and it certainly wasn’t worth screaming over.

Now, my knee was only slightly out of socket.  I didn’t destroy it or even damage anything other than the cartilage when I knocked it out, multiple times.  I am knock-kneed and for some reason, my knees would come out if I hit them against something just right (or just wrong, depending on how you look at it).  My shoulder comes out because surgery didn’t get the tendons tight enough, certain motions can make it slip out of socket.  Sometimes it hurts more for it to slip out than to go back in.  It’s pretty rare for the dislocated shoulder to hurt more than a what a few Tylenol will fix and yet, I will cry over a paper cut.

After agreeing to physical therapy and leaving the surgeon’s office, I got to thinking about it… The problem is I don’t convey I’m in pain very well.  I need to learn to do that.  I don’t have a clue how though, pretend everything is a paper cut?  Of course everything around my hip is tight, I’ve been babying it since June 14, 2017.  That was the first day of my hip pain.  I have been doing some stretches as well as home exercises, but they aren’t making it looser and they make me want to die.  Which is what I’m going to start telling doctors when they ask me what my pain level is… I don’t know if it counts as a ten, but I want to die I hurt so much.  You tell me where that ranks on your scale of pain.

I feel like telling people I want to die I’m in so much pain is a little melodramatic though.  Which is the reason I don’t tell every doctor that every time they ask.  However, that is how I feel about my pain.  I hurt so bad I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again.  How would you rank that, a ten?  Maybe a nine since I’m not screaming and crying with it?  I don’t know what they expect from me as far as my reactions… My blood pressure is high, I’m obviously in pain because it hasn’t been high in a long time, regardless of where I put my pain on the pain scale or the fact that I’m not screaming or crying from it…  What do they want from me?  I just don’t know.

I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow morning to discuss how the consult went.  I’m really looking forward to it.

Demonic Dreams

According to my writing program, if I continue at the rate I’m going, I’ll have finished writing Demonic Dreams, meaning I’ll have hit my word goal of 75,000 words by mid-March.  Usually it takes me 70,000 words to tell a D&R story, which is why I set every book length at 75,000.

Sometimes, like Fortified Dreams and Elysium Dreams, it takes longer.  Sometimes, like Summoned Dreams, it takes a little less, I think it clocks in at a mere 65,000 words.  However, Belladonna Dreams is the shortest at just 62,000 words, mostly because I really wanted to kill the serial killer and had to wait… for Fortified Dreams to do that.

Meaning I still don’t have a firm release date for Demonic Dreams, but it is getting closer.  In January when I started with rewrite 9,000,000 million or whatever it was, the first week it told me I would finish in April at the rate I was writing.

When I started this rewrite, I have no idea what draft it is, three or four maybe?  Which isn’t exactly correct because that doesn’t take into account all the reworked material, rewritten material, and just plain deleted material, I suspected it would still be April or May before it was ready for publication and that depended significantly on my pain management.

Completion still does.  However, I am finding the hydrocodone much more effective at 3 pills a day and without the clonazepam.  As long as I keep my soda intake down, I’m finding I can manage my anxiety with a Benadryl.  I’m taking them at night since I have sleep anxiety worse than anything else.

Today, I have already drank an extra Mountain Dew that I absolutely shouldn’t have and i can feel it.  I’ve had 2 cans of it.  I’m feeling a little jittery and anxious as a result.  Last week, I could have drank 2 cans in the morning and still taken a nap that afternoon.  Which means I can feel and see the effects of not drinking as much caffeine and sugar.

I talked to my nutritionist as well as a health consultant about going gluten and carb free and we decided that was probably a bad idea.  The fitness guru thought part of my weight might be because I don’t eat enough food calories in a day, meaning my body is constantly in starvation mode to be exact.  I already don’t eat much meat and live on a ton of vegetables, because I’m not allergic to many vegetables but I am allergic to most meat.

When I brought this up to my nutritionist she agreed.  She said for me, going carb and gluten free didn’t make sense because we know I’m not allergic to gluten and I’m already struggling with getting enough food calories, good food calories, in my diet every day.  She also pointed out that she had been telling me this for years…  Guess I just needed to hear it from a second person.

Today, I had a slice of pizza at lunch.  Last night’s dinner was far better and well rounded, but I can’t eat steak every night.  It’s expensive and I am allergic to beef, even if it is only a mild allergy.  I prefer beef to pork and I am allergic to both and I don’t eat any ground meats, so hamburger isn’t on the list of things I’m going to eat every night.  Of course, Saturday night, the husband and I had a buffet… I ate a huge helping of salad, two helpings of green beans, a helping of corn, a helping of mixed vegetable medley, and a decent portion of broccoli, I don’t actually like potatoes very well. I tried to eat a ribeye, but it was very chewy and not very good, also a little fattier than normal and I have this thing about meat quality… I would make a terrible cannibal, just saying.

I would also make a terrible vegetarian and be terrible at paleo.  So I’m cutting back on sugar.  This is easier for me to do than food items, like carbs.  I prefer salty snacks, like potato chips – about the only way I like potatoes really – nuts, granola bars, that sort of thing over sweet snacks.  I’m much happier with trail mix than a cupcake in other words.  Most of my sugar comes from soda, the occasional Gatorade, and milk, because I do love milk.. even if I am slightly allergic to it.  Until I was in my twenties and working 60 hours a week, I didn’t drink much soda.  I drank milk at home or when I ate out.  Then they told me it didn’t matter what I did, I wasn’t going to save my teeth, they wanted to pull them all when I was 17 and my vanity wouldn’t let them.  It’s one of the few things I regret surprisingly.  What the hell was the point of this post?

Oh, so my editor may get Demonic Dreams in March.

It may release in late March.  I’m not guaranteeing it, but maybe.  I’m hopeful about it, which would be amazing and much better than where I was in December and January with it.  I’m not going to set it up for pre-orders.  I’ll send out a notice in my newsletter as well as on my blog and on social media whenever it gets ready.  Until then, I’ll keep you guys up to date on progress with my blog.

I am forcing myself to learn not to burn the candle at both ends too, which is hard.  I want to work, but I must also adjust to the realization that I can’t work 70 hours every week and be okay as a person, mentally or physically.

Of course, I may also have a surgery somewhere in March, so that may also affect the release dates, which is why I refuse to give a firm date for it and then have it come and go like it has the last two times I’ve tried to set a release date for it.


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