The Blacklisting of Nikola Tesla

It’s hard to imagine where the world would be without Nikola Tesla.  He was a giant in his field and even today, almost everything we touch has been influenced by Tesla.  But why don’t we know about it?

He believed that we should be broadcasting electricity for free, like radio waves, and figured out the mechanics of how to do it.  He also made the basic plans for things like television, faster cars, and a slew of other inventions.  And before Einstein proved light worked like a particle, Tesla had.  Before a physicist proved that atoms were similar to solar systems, Tesla had theorized about it.  Yet, he never won a Nobel Prize like Einstein or the Spaniard that proved atoms were like miniature solar systems.

Tesla was different, even for a genius.  He was into numerology and believed we should be actively searching for extraterrestrial life.  These things were used against him by two very powerful figures.

The first is JP Morgan.  Morgan gave Tesla money to build a radio tower.  Tesla used that money to study if we could safely transmit electricity through the ground, making it free.  Needless to say, this pissed JP Morgan off… a whole hell of a lot.  Morgan was one of the most influential and wealthy men in America.  It would be like pissing off Rockafeller.

Then Tesla compounded his problems by pissing off Thomas Edison (yes, the Edison that created the modern light bulb). His worst offense, was probably when he started telling anyone that would listen that Edison would only advance science if there was money to be made in it.  However, they had been feuding for a while before he started doing that.

Morgan and Edison made sure they ruined Tesla.  They highlighted all of his failures and like any scientist, he had some.  They highlighted his eccentric nature, by reminding anyone and everyone that Tesla believed in numerology and that we should be searching for intelligent life beyond our own planet.  However, most importantly, they used racism to destroy his credibility.  Tesla was a Serbian living in the US.  After the assassination that would lead to the outbreak of WWI, fears of Serbian assassins was a real thing.  The political group The Black Hand was taken as a serious threat.  Morgan and Edison both hinted that since Tesla was Serbian born, he might have ties to The Black Hand political group.

Tesla would eventually work with men like Einstein on projects.  But his reputation was never repaired and he died living under a different name in a hotel room.  He has also never been given any high awards for scientific achievement, even though he is one of the founding fathers of modern physics.

Recently, my interest in Tesla was renewed when I started watching reruns of the show Murdoch Mysteries.  I was impressed that they took the time to do some redeeming of Tesla’s reputation, making him seem like the eccentric genius that he was, not the crackpot that Morgan and Edison painted him to be.

Ok, I’m off for a couple of days.  Probably no contact with the outside world until Monday.  Wedding happens Saturday!

Zealandia: A New Continent?

All continents are actually bigger than they appear.  Somewhere, some part of each of our continents is submerged.  We know this from the treasure trove of underwater villages found all over the world.

And it makes sense; erosion, climate change, the rising and falling of ocean levels, the changes made to land masses by volcanoes and earthquakes, etc.  They all impact how much land is visible in a continent.

In theory, we have 7 continents.  Some people argue for 6 because Asia and Europe are actually a single landmass.  However, the removal of a continent is far less extreme than the discovery of one… Which might have happened.

New Zealand, New Caledonia, and a chain of islands sits of the coast of Australia and have always been considered island nations, not associated with a continent except on special occasions when it gets lumped into the Australian continent (like Madagascar is only sometimes considered part of the African Continent).

However, new geologic evidence suggests that this area is actually a submerged continent, distinct from Australia with New Zealand, New Caledonia, and the islands the only visible traces of it.  What they have found is a giant submerged landmass that has the same density of continents, but only the high plains regions are above water.

This is significant.  Islands have stable bases, but they go to the bed of the sea.  New Zealand doesn’t have this.  Instead, it appears to have a stable base that goes into a much larger stable base below the surface of the ocean and that larger base connects to New Caledonia and a specific island chain.  Then that larger stable base goes into the ocean.  The exact same way a continent connects to the ocean floor.  It would be the equivalent of flooding the US with close to a mile of ocean water.  We’d have islands from some of our mountains, but we’d have plateaus that also rise above the water line in the form of places like Denver, Colorado.

We have trouble exploring in depths like a mile or two under the surface of the ocean.  We can do it, but at great risk.  Go three or four miles under and the problems compound exponentially.  It’s why we really do know more about the moon than the oceans on Earth.  So theoretically, if ocean levels were high enough, Denver and a few other places would appear to be islands, not parts of a continent.

So will we start to see the continent of Zealandia showing up on maps and text books any time soon?  Probably not.  We abhor rewriting history.

What is Triggered Reality & Terrorific Tales?

I’ve had a couple of people ask me what the two newest books coming out are.  Sometimes, descriptions are intriguing, but they don’t explain the book and I get that better than most.  So here’s my take on them.

Triggered Reality is the start of the Dreams & Reality novels.  It tells two stories about two killers, both linked by time and a series of events.  The first is Eric Clachan the day he took aim and got justice for the murders of Donnelly and Isabella.  It also provides some insight into his early days in custody.  The second is what’s known as a random shooter serial killer.  However, he’s important because he’s the first case worked by the SCTU.  All the Reality novels will be told from the serial killer’s point of view. (I can only stay inside the head of a psychopath in small bursts, which is why these become serial killer books not Malachi Blake books)

Terrorific Tales is a hodge podge of short stories and flash fiction pieces.  Some are horror, some are humorous, it just depended on my mood when I wrote it.  A handful were prompts given to me by readers.  There’s also an Aislinn story, a Nadine story, and a Callie Strachan story in it.

Finally, I’m working on a book of monster and ghost stories.  I got the cover for it a week ago and love it.  Another masterpiece by Covered Creatively!Haunted house

16 Hydrocodone & The Great Nephew’s Ears

Last week, Jude the Great Nephew was running a fever between 102 and 104 all day, which is why we kept him.  At one point, he flopped forward and broke a tooth.  I assure you, it hurt me more than him.

He was on antibiotics and baby Tylenol at the time.  We tried baby Motrin and that did not bring down his fever at all.  Since it normally works a little better and a little faster than Tylenol, I was surprised but hey, the kid’s gonna be an oddball like the rest of us.

We both had appointments on Wednesday; me for my tooth and him with an ENT.  It turns out his ears aren’t draining.  This isn’t the first time he’s run a high fever or even the first time he’s had an ear infection this year.  At 7 months old, the poor kid has been sick most of the winter.

The dentist pulled my front tooth and gave me 16 hydrocodone (Vicodin).  I have never gone through meds that fast before.  I was taking them 2 at a time every 4 hours just to make the pain manageable.  So, when I went to bed last night, I knew I was going to wake up without any pain meds.  Wow.  It doesn’t hurt quite as bad as it did Wednesday, but it’s still pretty close.  I don’t have dry socket, but it seems to have damaged the socket or perhaps my jawbone when it came out, because the teeth on either side hurt where it was pulled.  I cancelled all my weekend plans because I believe it’s going to take some time for this to heal and it is going to be very painful.

But because I’m a silver linings type of girl, Jude the Great Nephew was put on different antibiotics for his double ear infection and they put tubes in Thursday.  Hopefully, this will bring the little guy some relief.  I hate to see a baby sick and Jude is normally a very happy baby so that somehow makes it worse.  It’ll be nice to hear him giggling again.

Who Owns Your Copyright

The rise of the digital age and the huge amount of indie authors now working as writers, has opened up a big black pit that no one talks about… Copyright ownership.  A copyright is a 75 year binding contract between an author and their book.  That means for 75 years, they are the only ones that have the right to obtain royalties from it.

Only, most of us aren’t living for 75 years after the start of our copyright.  For instance, I was 32 when I published my first two novels.  Add 75 years to that and I don’t lose the copyright until I’m a 107.  Chances are really good that I’m not going to be around to see it expire.

But copyright isn’t like your house.  You can assign it to someone when you die, but you can’t split it among heirs die unless it first goes into a trust and then the trust doles out specific percentages to each party.  This used to be handled by publishing houses, after all, they hold part of the copyright.  But indies don’t have publishers who will make out checks to their loved ones.  We have Amazon, B&N, Apple, Kobo, etc. entities that don’t care where the money goes because they get their cut first.

Also, we can keep our digital ebooks alive a very long time after we’re dead.  Usually, an author dies, a publisher waits for the books to stop selling and then slowly pulls them off the shelves and the copyright sits in a basement and dies quietly.  So what happens in the year 2087 when my copyright dies on Dark Cotillion?  That’s just it, nothing.  People can start reprinting the book if they so desire, but it isn’t that popular and it isn’t a classic, so essentially, my heirs will just continue to draw royalties off the ebooks because they will continue to exist without competition despite being in the public domain.

Meaning if someone buys a copy in 2090, they are still probably going to buy the original Dark Cotillion and not one put out by someone else who has written an introduction.  This means my heirs will get the royalties.

But what heirs?  In my case, my nephews, nieces, and great nephews… Maybe a tiger sanctuary, who knows.  The point is, unless I assign all of my copyrights to a specific person, they will have to go into a trust.  But that trust will need to be set up upon my death with a plan for how new royalties get spit out.  And every year I publish a book creates a new copyright end date for my heirs to deal with.

Which brings us to the subject of a copyright will.  I thought my father’s lawyer was pulling my leg when it was first mentioned to me.  They weren’t.  A copyright will ensures that as long as the copyright exists, a trust will be set up with payments going out in specific splits to each heir I have.  And I was cautioned about doling out the entire amount each month.  If I don’t, the trust builds and the heirs of my heirs will be getting money off my copyrights long after I’ve gone and my original heirs have gone.

My copyright will states the following:

A trust will be set up.  If my parents are alive, they each get a certain percentage every month from the trust that does not use the entire royalty amount.  My SO also gets a specific amount each month.  When one of my parents dies, their share gets split between the nephews and nieces.  When both have died, the entire portion of my parents’ percentage belongs to that group of heirs (it’s about 55%).  When my SO passes away, the percentages change dramatically with any great nephews and nieces who are over 18 getting a certain percentage and my nephews and nieces get a larger share among them.  Since the nephews and nieces really aren’t that much younger than I am, I had to include provisions for when they die.  To give you an idea, the executor nephew is only 13 years younger than me.  So when I’m 107, he’ll be 94.  This means a provision had to put on for a new executor to be chosen and for the percentages to change upon the deaths of the nieces and nephews to ensure their heirs get a split.  For example, if they don’t have any children, they can’t leave their percentage to their dogs/cats/buffaloes/tiger sanctuary.  It all has to be redistributed again.  And so on and so on until the end of time or until the end of the trust.

This was done because I could leave all my copyrights to a single nephew or I could split it up so everyone profits upon my death from my copyrights.  Now, I could have assigned specific copyrights to specific nephews/nieces/great nephews/great nieces/SO/parents.  But if one book or series flops or isn’t making any money, that owner would get nothing while the others might still have royalties coming in.  This is especially critical since I offer free ebooks.  The person that owns that copyright can up the price after I’m dead and gone, which could hurt the copyright holders of the other books in that series.  A trust and executor ensures that no single person can break the chain (except the executor and I have more faith in him than that).

Just something to think about the next time you are drafting your will if you write books.

Preorder Links: Triggered Reality & Terrorific Tales

Terrorific Tales by Hadena James
















A Little Freaked Out

In 10 days, I do what I thought I would never do… I get married.  Most little girls imagine their dream guy and their dream wedding and grow up knowing that they will find the one.  I grew up knowing that if I found my dream guy, I was pretty much not interested in the fairy tale.  Marriage is about a lot more than fairy tale weddings and perfect days.

Which is good, because our wedding month hasn’t been going as expected.  I’m hoping the old wives’ tale is true: imperfect wedding, perfect marriage.

First, only 3 of the wedding invitations we mailed out arrived at their intended destinations.  In a moment of irritation, I posted about it on my Facebook page which alerted a great deal of my family to the fact that I had not invited them to the wedding.  This seems to have struck a nerve with one of my aunts.

It’s nothing against her.  It’s just that we are still going with small.  A mere 41 people got invited, including the minister.  Considering the SO and I both have large families, this meant most of our aunts and uncles didn’t get invites.  Just like the majority of our cousins didn’t get invites, no matter how much we like them.  I will have 3 cousins in attendance; one is my Maid of Honor, one is my Matron of Honor, and one is coming as my sister’s plus one (cousins really do make the best of friends). The SO has no cousins coming.  I have one aunt/uncle coming; we invited them because my SO knows my uncle well through work as well as my aunt.  He has two aunts/uncles coming, but they are part of his family that I know well.  And one of his uncles is pulling double duty as our photographer.  My parents will be there.  His parents will be there.  His grandmother will be there.  Both of us have siblings that will be in attendance.  Both of us have nieces and nephews that will be there.  Jude the Great Nephew and his mommy will be there.  Lola the Destroyer will be there, because she’s our surrogate child (since neither of us has children).  However, by the time we got done with immediate family and family we both knew well, there weren’t a lot of vacant spots left.  And since Lola the Destroyer doesn’t require a chair, I didn’t count her in that 41.

But we also wanted some friends.  The minister is one of my former supervisors that I have remained close to.  So, we squeezed in a friend there.  His best man is the guy he races with, no relation, but they are close enough to be brothers.  His groomsman is my Matron of Honor’s husband and part of the reason we met (My SO was the best man when the Groomsman and Matron got married twenty years ago… the Matron is one of my first cousins because like I said; cousins make awesome best friends, it was obvious that they were both going to be involved).  Meaning he has my cousin by marriage standing up with him, but they have been friends since junior high, so I’m not sure which one of us has more claim on him.  Then there are the friends that are just friends.  People that have impacted both of us enough that their attendance at our wedding was a big deal.

Second, I broke a tooth and I have thought of everything on the planet to avoid what’s going to happen today, but there just weren’t any viable options.  My left front tooth is being extracted at 11 am.  I talked to my “regular” dentist who has told me a couple of times that my teeth aren’t worth saving.  But he couldn’t fit me in.  So, I’m going to the place in town that specializes in extractions.  I don’t remember the last time I was in this much pain.  Cutting the tip of my finger off didn’t hurt as bad as having the pulp of my tooth exposed.  I’m not sure the third degree burn on my thumb hurt this bad, but that has been more than 2 decades ago, so my memory is a little fuzzy on it.  One of the nieces is in dental hygiene school and I discussed it with her.  I get that she isn’t a dentist, but she knows more about teeth than I do.  Normally, when I have a tooth that chips, cracks, or breaks, it doesn’t hurt.  I don’t even notice it’s happened until I have to spit it out.  My teeth have decalcified to the point that before the headbutt, the last tooth that broke, snapped while I was chewing on a tater tot.  I didn’t notice it until I bit into the remnants.  Anyway, the point is, since this tooth is causing me so much pain, the only answer is extracting it.  It’s probably one of the few teeth where the pulp, dentin, and nerves are still completely intact.

That means I’m shelling out $400 just 10 days before my wedding to extract a tooth and guarantee that there will be no open mouthed smiles from me.  I’m a little bummed about that.  I don’t normally give big, toothy smiles anyway, but this is a little different. Plus, I despise spending that kind of money when there are still some wedding and reception expenses to be paid.

Third, I don’t know why extracting teeth is so incredibly painful.  I usually consider myself very pain tolerant.  I once spent a week walking around on an ankle that had a broken bone and torn tendon in it.  I thought it was just sprained.  Turned out the swelling kept the broken bone from being noticed and the tendon was found years later on an MRI.  I did that without pain meds, without a walking boot, without even an ankle brace.  When we did finally realize it was broken, it had already started to remodel, so we just left it and I walked around on it until it healed without anything more than an ACE bandage wrap.  Last time they pulled one of my back molars, I thought I was going to die.  I even went back to the dentist three times thinking I was suffering from dry socket.  I’m supposed to be getting together with the nieces this weekend for a keepsake box making event and dinner.  I’ve been in so much pain, I haven’t went and got the boxes.  I won’t go get them today.  Tomorrow is probably not going to happen either.  Friday and Saturday are giant question marks.

Finally, despite these things; which to me are somewhere between abysmal and catastrophic (not helped by my anxiety disorder because I stress out easily anyway)… Everyone has been incredibly helpful.  One of my wedding guests is a hair stylist.  She offered to come early and do hair before the wedding, eliminating the need to go get my hair done.  Another great friend is picking up the cupcakes for the reception.  Yet someone else took over making all our side dishes because she wanted to do it… and actually she just flat out told me she was doing it and there was no room for debate or negotiation.  My Matron has taken care of pretty much everything that has needed to be done on the wedding side of things.  My Maid went to a lot of trouble to set up my bachelorette party (that I couldn’t attend which has lead to some serious guilt issues).  My minister wrote custom prose and vows that fit more with my SO and I’s outlook on life.  She is also the one teaching us how to collage the keepsake boxes because she is a minister, artist, and just all around nice human being.  My SO’s brother is a chef and smoked all our meat for the reception.  All of which has allowed me time to work… something I desperately needed since writing is one of the ways I cope with stress.

Will it be perfect?  Not in the least.  Am I okay with that?  Yes.  Because at the end of the day, it will be perfect for a couple of reasons: I will have my two closest friends standing beside me as I marry a man I love enough not to smother in his sleep and who loves me enough to not smother me in my sleep (I snore really loud, so this is actually an achievement).  My closest family members will be there, excited and smiling.  My closest friends will be there, making sure I don’t get cold feet and run out the door.  There will be food, dancing, darts, conversations, and we will all have a good time.

Self-Defense: Cain Style

I recently got a question from someone who asked why I always had so much detail in Aislinn Cain’s fights.  Surprisingly, it is not because I want everyone to think that Ace is a badass… It’s because Aislinn Cain uses moves I learned when I took a class in self defense.

Aislinn is petite; 5 feet 3 inches tall and 125 pounds.  Not all of it is muscle because she refuses to dedicate her life to working out.  Mostly, Aislinn stretches to keep the scars from becoming too stiff to move; she does physical therapy type stretching and yoga.  There’s a little bit of cardio to counteract her smoker’s lungs, but even that isn’t something she is dedicated to doing.

This means that Aislinn is essentially just like everyone else. So she has a tendency to gouge eyes, break noses, grab ears, go for the knees, and use her feet, knees, and elbows when she fights.

One of the first things my instructor told us was not to punch, never punch.  It sounds like a great ideal and it really sucks when put into action.  Hands are fragile.  The small bones that make up the knuckles and fingers break fairly easily and punching someone in the face or side is probably going to hurt you more than them.  Unless you are wearing some awesomely large stoned jewelry, punching just doesn’t work.

Even the key trick all women are taught is essentially pointless unless you go for the eye.  The key hits the bones in the face and is forced into the palm of your hand, meaning you end up doing more damage to you than to them.

Kicking at knees though is a wonderful trick.  If you can get them from the front directly on top or right above the knee cap and kick downwards, it cracks and sometimes shatters, the patella.  Have you ever tried chasing someone when your knee cap is broken?  Ouch!  A good kick at the side of their knees is an excellent way to dislocate one.  Best part, it doesn’t take much force and can be done from a standing, seated, or lying down position.  Also, your foot bones are much stronger than your hand bones, so you might break a toe, but you aren’t going to break all the bones in your foot by kicking your attacker.

Headbutts to the nose or eyebrow are incredibly effective for injuring someone.  Also, since you are taking the offensive when doing it, it hurts you less than it hurts them, as long as you don’t miss and hit their cheeks, forehead, or teeth.  Thumbs in eyes are always a good thing.  A person has a natural tendency to protect their eyes.  If you start digging your thumb in it, they become more concerned with their eye than making sure they have hold of both your hands.

Also, as strange as it sounds, go for the ears.  Most of us don’t think about ears, especially not during a fight, but they are sensitive pieces of flesh and cartilage, in other words, no bones.  Grabbing them and pulling works just as well as anything else you might try.  If you have fingernails, dig those puppies into the soft tissue of the ear.  You can also yank on them.

Finally, your knees and your elbows are among the hardest bones in your body… use them.  Throwing your elbows into the face or torso of an attacker is much more effective than punching them and causes less pain to you.  As an added bonus, your elbows are indeed pointy, meaning it concentrates the force onto a smaller area, creating more impact.  Don’t be afraid to fight dirty.  A good knee to the groin is about more than just hitting them with your knee.  Leave it there even after your upwards thrust has dissipated and continue to grind away at their naughty bits.  The flesh and pelvic bone that creates a lady’s naughty bits is every bit as sensitive as the dangly bits on a male, making it equally effective on both sexes.



Confessions of a Writer

  • Sometimes when I can’t think of anything to write about, I end up reading lists on places like Ranker and Diply for hours.
  • I’m too wordy for Twitter… I can barely say “Hi” in 140 characters.
  • I hate writing in complete sentences.
  • I insert commas randomly, for no reason, despite the fact that I do know how to properly use them.  My editors and proofers find it weird.  Commas are the most common grammatical error in my books.
  • I hate using modern slang and still use words like “nifty,” “spiffy,” and “cool.”  I’m not even sure I know what half of modern slang means… I’m still baffled by “ratchet,” “catfish,” and “turnt.”
  • My browser history would convince anyone that I was a serial killer in the making.
  • My book reading preferences are weird to say the least; because smashed between Mysteries of the Unexplained and 50 Serial Killers You’ve Never Heard Of are books like Practical Magic, Good Omens, and The Stand.
  • Only two horror stories have ever disturbed my sleep – The Shining by Stephen King and The Rats by HP Lovecraft.  Lovecraft inspired me to write on the darker stuff.  While the topiary scene in The Shining gave me a few nightmares and a small phobia of topiary, Lovecraft’s The Rats actually made me an insomniac for several weeks and just thinking about it before bed can give me nightmares.
  • I do not scare easily or often, especially with movies… However, I watched Quicksilver Highway when I was in my mid-teens with my mom and there is a scene with a detached hand moving about that made me jump and shout “Get the fucking hand!” I don’t know whether my mom was in shock, trying not to laugh, or what, but she surprisingly did not grab the dish soap, because the F-word is an offense worthy of having your mouth washed out in my house.  Even as an adult, she occasionally threatens to wash my mouth out.  For the record, Dawn does not taste good, but it leaves an impression.
  • My mom, my Maid of Honor, and my Matron of Honor are the only people growing up that never told me I needed to think about a real career when I told people I wanted to be a novelist.
  • Before finding a career in writing; I wanted to be an archaeologist, a historian, an anthropologist, a folklorist, a chemist, and hold a Ph.D. in one of those fields.  Unfortunately for me, I hated going to classes even in college… so I only managed a bachelor’s degree, but I still love to learn.
  • As a kid, I would read encyclopedias.
  • I hold a degree in history, however, I had enough electives in English, German, Russian, psychology, and chemistry to have declared either majors or minors in those subjects as well.
  • My college freshman English teacher actually held me after class one day to ask why I was in his class.  When I told him it was required, he informed me I should have tested out of it.  He then told me I could no longer do peer reviews because I was making the other students cry and gave my name to the university as a tutor in English.
  • I love to cook.  I do not find it relaxing or soothing.  I find it to be hard work and demanding of attention (not something I’m always good at).  However, I love it all the same and have considered taking adult education classes where they teach you to cook different ethnic foods.  I don’t take them because I’m afraid I will make something that I despise.
  • I can’t stand the taste of nutmeg.  Everyone says it is similar in taste to cinnamon, but I don’t get a cinnamony taste from it.  To me, it is very bitter.  I have the same problem with ginger, curry, and wasabi.
  • I panic when I meet famous people.  I have had several opportunities to meet Sascha Konietzko of KMFDM, but have never been able to muster the courage to do it.  It is so bad, that when KMFDM came through town specifically to sign autographs, I made my friend take the CD I wanted signed up to him while I loitered in the background refusing to remove my sunglasses inside a building.  I know I looked creepy and strange, but I just couldn’t do it.  Later that night, at their concert, they were having a drink in the bar while the opening band was playing.  I had taken one of the nephew’s to the show and he wanted an autograph from Lucia.  My cousin had to escort him over there because I tried and failed… Pretty sure I had cod mouth.
  • In my late teens and early twenties, I was a part time roadie for a small indie band.  I had a lot of fun, even though I didn’t care for their music.  Most of my “life stories” come from this period of my life.
  • I was never wild and crazy.  The closest I came was hanging out in a bar while underage, drinking soda, because I was a roadie.
  • I know how to properly wear a corset, which is a dying art, and do so from time to time because I find them comfortable.  I have been known to lounge around my house in a corset and pajama pants.
  • I am still in awe of the fact that I write books for a living.  Not only did I think it would never happen, but I always figured I’d be one of those authors that wrote books, published books, and still had to have a full time job because the average traditionally published author makes $30,000 a year (where I live, that doesn’t go very far).
  • Finally, I’m not in control of my creativity.  My life influences it a great deal, like it did in 2016, but sometimes, even without the distractions, it just doesn’t happen.  I can stare at a blank screen for hours and write nothing or I might write 10,000 words.  For the most part, creativity controls me and I have to work my life around it.  Which is why I am up late most nights, my creativity centers seem to function better after the sun has gone down.

Gonna Leave A Mark

Jude the Great Nephew has been sick a lot recently.  Today, he was feverish, so we told his mom to bring him on over, we’d watch him.

At 10 am or there about, I picked him up to change his clothes.  He was in a onesie and it was obvious that he was sweating in it.  I got the onesie off, then he flopped forward and headbutted me right in the mouth.

Now, I have been on clonazepam (Klonopin) for most of the last two decades.  One of the side effects of clonazepam is chronic dry mouth.  I also have Sjogren’s Syndrome, which just means my immune system thinks my mucus membranes are evil and attacks them, especially my mouth, causing chronic dry mouth.  Dry mouth may not seem like a big deal, but it leads to decay and worse, decalcification of a person’s teeth.  When your teeth decalcify, they get holes, become spongy, crack and chip easily, etc.

Mine are a train wreck.  I was told at 17 I should have them all taken out.  I had no enamel on them and some had grown in with holes, plus I already knew I had Sjogren’s which would cause decalcification.  But I was 17 and removing my teeth was not a realistic option for me… Worst decision of my life.

The headbutt broke my front left tooth.  Yet, it just broke the tooth part.  The pulp remains intact, so the bottom of my tooth is technically not attached to the top part.

I haven’t a clue what the pulp of a tooth is made out of, I just know it flipping hurts.  I actually spent several hours crying on the phone with local dentist offices trying to get an emergency appointment.  The problem is, there are like three dentists in town that realize my teeth are not worth saving, everyone else was trying to sell me on the idea of fixing it with a root canal and a crown instead of just pulling it.

It’s very hard to explain to someone who has never met you that you really do just need the tooth pulled – not evaluated, not fixed, just yanked out.  Needless to say, I could not get an appointment today.  Or Monday.  Or even Tuesday.  I have to wait until Wednesday to get in and see a dentist who doesn’t care about trying to save it.

It hurts enough that I literally laid in my bed with a hot pack on my face and cried for hours.  I finally found someone to help me with the pain, but not the tooth.  Their recommendation was that I try to eat some bread tomorrow and hope that the pulp breaks.  Yes, this will hurt, but it will hurt less after a day or so than keeping the pulp intact until the tooth can be extracted.

Only one dentist could work me in today, but he was just going to clean the tooth good and evaluate it.  The receptionist flat out told me that it wouldn’t be extracted and that most likely, he’d cap it first.  My teeth aren’t strong enough to hold a cap or a filling for that matter.  So I told her not to pencil me in… No need to pay a dentist for something I know is pointless.  I get that they are just trying to help, but I have been dealing with these things all my life.  I know a whole lot about my teeth.

My bachelorette party was scheduled for this weekend.  We were going to St. Louis for special food and a surprise.  Needless to say, I had to cancel that.


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