You Might Be Psychic If…

I don’t remember what article I was reading this week, but it listed common criteria for psychics.  Some of the things were like “able to put together furniture” which I associate with being mechanically inclined more than being psychic, but I don’t know much about psychics.

  • Babies and dogs love you instantly
  • You are sensitive to scents
  • You see colors around people
  • You hear sounds no one else hears
  • You intuitively know how things go together
  • You are a vivid dreamer
  • You commonly experience Deja-Vu

There were others, but these are the ones I remember.  All except the being able to put shit together intuitively apply to me, which is weird because I don’t like babies nearly as much as they like me.

They also apply to my mother, including the mechanically inclined part.  My mother can soothe the babies of strangers with just a touch.  It never fails, if her and I are grocery shopping, some baby in a shopping cart will want our attention.  They wave, smile, giggle, make faces at us, and I have actually seen my mom touch a baby’s hand while it was fussing in a cart and have it instantly settle down.  The baby’s mother was less freaked out than one might imagine because my mom just puts off a grandmother feeling and people are just comfortable around her, even if their babies.  The mother told us that said baby had been teething and hadn’t stopped fussing for days and she was surprised my mom had gotten her to calm down even for a few minutes because her own mom hadn’t been able to do it.

However, my cousin and I are fairly sure that most of the women in our family are a touch psychic.  On more than one occasion when my cousin and I were together, we have both been struck by watery eye-hair standing on end sensations at the same time.

Most of the time, I’m indifferent to claims of psychic abilities and I don’t know if I believe they exist or not.  But sometimes it’s hard to dismiss every event that happens to someone as coincidence.  Especially considering strange things happen from time to time.  For example, before we bought our house over the summer, I had a dream about it.  That wouldn’t be a big deal except it was June and we weren’t even looking at houses at the time, especially not this house, which we saw the first day it came on the market.  I walked in and knew it was the house I had dreamed about and I have had a lot of deja vu moments in it.

Also, I was instantly in love.  I am not particularly close to any of my uncles on my mom’s side.  There is one though that I talk to often and like a lot (and one is creepy AF and I am waiting for the news to splash his picture around announcing he’s a serial killer).

A few weeks after we moved in, the uncle I really like, came by to see the house.  I gave him the tour and he looked at me and asked why we had decided on this particularly house.  Turns out during the 1970s and 1980s, my uncle knew the guy that owned the house and they held a monthly poker game here.  Here’s the thing, I don’t live in a huge city, but it isn’t a little town either.  At a population of 110,000 residents, with at least four satellite cities, the odds of us buying a house my uncle used to play poker in three decades earlier were really rather slim.  Especially, since my uncle has lived in several other cities besides this one…

It just makes you scratch your head.  We saw probably a hundred houses and yet this was the one I absolutely wanted to have.  The others were nice, but they were just houses, this one felt familiar, like a home.

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A Hitman’s Mistake?

The Mary Morris Murders are theorized to be the work of an idiot, unfortunately the idiot is probably a contract killer.  As someone that considers contract killer’s serial killers who really love their day job (much like me, but without the need to clean up after myself as often), I research contract killers the say way I research serial killers.  The only difference is we don’t know a whole lot about really good contract killers…

After all, if they weren’t good, we would know about all of them and they wouldn’t be employed for very long.  Sadly, to err is human and contract killers are human.

In October 2000, Mary Morris left for work in the morning and was reported that evening as missing by her husband.  It didn’t take long for the Houston Police to discover, Mary Morris had left for work at her normal time, but had never arrived there.

It didn’t take long after Mary Morris’s husband reported her missing for her body to be found.  It was parked in her car, not far from her house, dead.  Everyone was shocked.  Mary Morris didn’t live a high risk life style.  No one could imagine who would do such a thing.

Just three days later, another woman was found dead, in her car,   Like Mary Morris, this woman had left for work as per usual, and her body was found only a short distance from her house.  Someone had tried to make it look like a suicide.  Oddly, the victim’s name was Mary Morris and the theory of the inept Contract Killer was born.

With the Murder of Mary Morris One, there were no suspects.  The same was not true of Mary Morris Two.  Mary Morris 2 was a nurse who had until recently, been working with a male nurse that had creeped her out.  He had been fired just a week or so before, Mary Morris’s death.  Also, Mary Morris 2, was having marital problems with her husband.

Mary Morris 2 had a very large life insurance policy and her husband refused to let the police interview their daughter, who was his alibi.  Also, both Mary Morris victims were missing their wedding rings, but nothing else, including their wallets and cash were missing.  This is one instance where art imitates life, contract killers often remove identifiable pieces of jewelry such as wedding bands to provide to their employer to prove the job is done.

Two women murdered just a few days apart in a city as large as Houston, even with both of them named Mary Morris, could still be a coincidence. There were probably a dozen or more women named Mary Morris in Houston at the time.  However, the similarities between the two cases, including how the women were killed, and the fact that both Mary Morris victims even looked a bit alike, make it coincidence unlikely

Finally, after the murder of Mary Morris 2 there were no more Mary Morris’s killed in Houston in 2000 or in 2001.  Police actually suspect that Mary Morris 2 fought back against her killer.  The case has gone cold, but it is an interesting case.  A serial killer of the non-professional kind is unlikely, since serial killers are never that strict about their vicomology, that they would have to kill dark haired women named Mary Morris and try to make the crime look like anything other than a murder.  Also, if it were a serial killer, one would think there should have been more Mary Morris victims.

Sometimes, They Just Stop

I can’t even begin to count the number of times I’ve heard the saying “serial killers don’t just stop” in movies and on TV.  The problem is, they really do.  Dennis Rader isn’t the only one and the more we learn, the more common we realize it is.

Rader became distracted by marriage and life changes.  Kids were born.  He gained status in his church… He just kinda quit in 1991, which really wasn’t a bad thing.  BTK had tormented Wichita long enough.

The capture of the Golden State Killer has brought this kind of stopping to light again.  No one is entirely sure why a serial killer just sorta decides to stop killing, we haven’t asked a lot of them, because there haven’t been a lot of them to ask.

It appears that like BTK, the Golden State Rapist/Killer just decided to stop one day.  He was terrorizing California one day and then there was nothing for a long, long, long time, so long that most people forgot the case had ever even existed.

We’ve talked to two known killers about their stopping, seemingly randomly, one day; Dennis Rader and Gary Ridgeway (The Green River Killer).  Rader said the above, life became busy.  Ridgeway mostly ignored the question, but a review by a forensic psychiatrist showed that Ridgeway was most active during his first two marriages, which were definitely not happy marriages, and then slowed to a crawl during his third marriage which was far more blissful than his first two marriages ever dreamed of being.

At some point, we’ll end up asking the Golden State Killer.  Right now, a forensic psychiatrist has brought up that the killings stopped after he turned 40.  It isn’t some mythical, magical, unicorn number, it’s just a number, but the majority of men start experiencing decreases in sex drive and testosterone levels after 40.  Surprisingly, the male equivalent of menopause might actually play a role in a serial killer’s desire to kill or not.

The majority of male serial killers are younger than 40.  Same goes for rapists.  While males are still loathe to discuss or accept it, men do go through some serious hormonal changes in their 40s.  This is the era of weird hair sprouting uncontrollably from ears and nostrils.  A widening of the waistline is fairly common as are digestive changes and a decrease in sex drive, that men associate with a mid-life crisis.

Also, by the time a guy is in his 40s, he’s sown his wild oats, probably has a couple of kids, a wife, a steady job because these life events create bills, and is looking towards retirement in the next decade or so, not long days at work followed by rape and murder.

It sounds a little tongue in cheek, but rape and murder are exhausting, no one wants to deal with that after work, and still race home for your favorite prime time show and an hour or two spent with the family before calling it a night.

Or doing all that, then waiting for the family to go to bed, so you can sneak out and hope your kid doesn’t have a nightmare and your wife wakes up to find you aren’t there, because you decided to go out raping and killing on a Tuesday night.  Then you have the “I didn’t get enough sleep last night” drag at work the next day.  As well as a call from your wife’s lawyer about divorce papers they’ll be drawing up in the next few weeks, because your nocturnal wanderings haven’t gone unnoticed and she’s convinced you have a mistress that you are sneaking off to meet in the middle of the night.

In other words, serial killing is a young man’s thing, not a middle aged guy’s thing.  There are exceptions, but they are an odd lot.  Pedophiliac serial killers tend to be a little older and the killer’s age doesn’t seem to matter.  The same is true of pedophiles though.   Which is why Albert Fish isn’t really an exception to the rule about serial killers not being of the older sort.

 

 

Some More Lucid Dreaming Tidbits

I don’t talk about lucid dreaming very often, because it actually scares the bejeesus out of me.  I listen to other people talk about their dreams and I’m like, nope, doesn’t apply to me.

One German study found lucid dreamers were more prone to night terrors as a child, even when the child couldn’t remember what they dreamed about.  It also found that about 51% of people it studied had experienced lucid dreaming at least once in their life time.

It also found people like me, were the exception.  I lucid dream every night.  It was one of the reasons for Clonazepam to deal with my anxiety.  Clonazepam actually dulls a person’s ability to remember dreams, which was really nice.  The following pieces of information pertain to myself.  I haven’t studied lucid dreaming very much.

  • My dreams are rarely a chaotic jumbled mess.  Meaning if a Walrus and a bear are in a bar, there’s a reason for it…  If Joe Blow walks in during the dream and sits with the Walrus and the bear, it also has a purpose.
  • My dreams seem longer than 15 seconds, which is the average time a dream supposedly lasts.
  • My dreams can pick up where they left off.  If I am awakened while dreaming and fall back asleep, my dream returns to where I am, at which point a fur trader might wander into the bar and I discover Joe, the Bear, and the Walrus, are all there to sell rabbit pelts and have a cold one.
  • My dreams might make sense, but they are still odd.  The premise for Ritual Dreams started during Flawless Dreams when I had a dream Azrael, tried to convince me to buy a vial of magic holy water  to ward off serial killers.
  • I often use my dreams in my books in one way or another.  The first chapter of Elysium Dreams was written when my friend was in the process of moving and I was concerned about the distance between.  In the dream, the guy doing the skinning, wasn’t adept at it and I ended up covered in blood trying to save my friend.  That was a wake up at 4 am and take a shower situation.
  • I have a vivid memory from when I was about seven of my father, sister, stepmother, and stepsister going to Silver Dollar City.  I don’t remember seeing or doing anything at Silver Dollar City, except riding the log flume with my father.  Except, I’ve never been.  My sister and father will renounce the memory under oath and it seems strange that I can remember the log flume so vividly, but nothing else about the place.  Oddly, I don’t believe I was even tall enough at 7 to ride the log flume at Silver Dollar City and I am convinced it was actually a dream.
  • I have a second memory from around the same time that involves my mother and sister and a store that has been in our city for ages.  My mom met a guy and he took all of us upstairs in the attic of the store and gave us free clothes.  I figured out in my early 20s there was no way it was a real memory.  The store in question is a flat roofed single story building in our historic district and the guy looked like Harry Dean Stanton.
  • I started keeping a dream diary after I realized the store memory had to be an implanted memory from a dream because if I write them down, they are less likely to implant as memories.
  • I am not the only one in my family that has implanted memories that most certainly started as dreams.
  • It takes me a while after I wake up to forget my dreams.  I’m talking a few hours, not a few minutes.
  • All dreams bother me enough to make me not want to sleep which is why I have sleep anxiety.
  • I prefer to have weird dreams than to have good or bad dreams because I am less likely to have sensory perception in weird dreams, like Joe, a bear, and a walrus met up with a fur trader in a bar, I didn’t smell or taste anything in that dream.
  • I have eaten a meal in my dream and woken up feeling stuffed.
  • I don’t have to have first hand experience with anything to dream about it.
  • Even though it might not seem like it at first, all my dreams are horribly logical and by the time they end, they make perfect sense.  Joe, the bear, and the walrus, turned out to be Joe, two guys in costumes because it was October, and the fur trader also turned out to be a costumed guy, and I ended up being at a bar during a costume party.
  • When they happen, I am often aware that I am dreaming, even if I don’t realize it immediately upon waking up.
  • I am more likely to remember a three week old dream than what I need to pick up at the store, even if I haven’t written the dream down, but I have written down the stupid shopping list.
  • I consider any dream with a lot of smells to be bad dreams.
  • My most common dreams are dreams where someone I know is murdered by myself or someone else, burning in a fire, or freezing in a frozen lake.

Thanks Menopause

One of the side effects not often discussed with menopause is the nightmares.  It’s like being a kid and having night terrors all over again.

I am what is called a lucid dreamer.  What I see, hear, smell, touch, eat, in my dream, is still in my brain when I wake up.  There are two side effects from this, sometimes dreams implant as memories in my brain.  Not memories I had a dream, but memories that I did whatever was in the dream.

This is problematic because sometimes I kill people in my dreams.  This is a more common dream than people realize and it seems to revolve around being concerned for the person that gets killed, whether you kill them or someone else does.

Two: bad dreams are really, really, really bad.  Imagine having a nightmare like what happens at the end of Battered Dreams, but you can smell the blood and gore, you can feel it on your skin, and for the first minute or two you are awake, none of that sensory stimulation goes away.  Meaning after I have woken up, I can still smell it, still feel it, still see it in all it’s glorious violent horror.

This is why I developed sleep anxiety.   Couple those awful nightmares with dreams that implant as memories that everyone tells you just didn’t happen and then you realize your dreams are implanting as memories, and yeah, it makes one not want to get much shut eye.

When the nightmares started in earnest in December, I thought they were stress related.  Nearly 3 months without my Clonazepam, and well the nightmares and my sleep anxiety, got a little worse.  I spoke to my mom about the nightmares, because I had a strange dream about a Burmese python slithering across a road in front of me.. I’m not afraid of snakes, making it bizarre that the dream woke me up and I was still suffering from a touch of panicky fear.

She confirmed she had nightmares when she was in menopause.  I went and looked it up, it’s fairly common.  Why did someone forget to tell me this?!  It seems like it was important, need to know, information.

I have a lot of weird dreams, but they rarely cause me fear.  What’s strange for me, is that the nightmares I’m used to, those of killing people or trying to save someone from being killed, aren’t happening.  Instead, I’m getting dreams about snakes that shouldn’t frighten me, but do.  Before menopause, the above mentioned python dream would have made it into the weird pile, not the terrifying pile.  And because I am a lucid dreamer with a heightened olfactory system, I could smell the python, and hear it hiss.  Yes, snakes have a distinctive smell.

It has definitely made me wonder what the next five years or so has in store for my lucid nightmares.

Not All Women Poison Their Victims

Occasionally, I get dinged by a reader for Battered Dreams, Tortured Dreams, or Mutilated Dreams because the killers are women who are not poisoning their victims.

There is a common myth that female serial killers poison their victims and that Aileen Wournos was an anomaly.  Except, it really is a myth.  The reason a woman kills dictates the method she uses to kill.

Women who use poison are more likely to suffer from Munchhausen’s by Proxy than women who beat their victims to death.  However, there is a Soviet case of a female serial killer who beat her victims to death, probably because of Munchhausen’s.  She claimed all the murders were self defense.  It’s a little harder to make that claim if you are slowly poisoning your victims.

In the case of Wournos and so many other women who kill, there was a lot of rage fueling the murders.  In other words, rage isn’t just a motivation for male serial killers.  The majority of female serial killers are okay with getting their hands dirty.

Another myth is that female serial killers almost always work with a partner.  Cases like Paul Bernado /Karla Holmolka and Myra Hindley/Ian Bradley feed into this myth, because these are women that probably wouldn’t have started killing without a male partner.

Unfortunately, like the whole female serial killers almost always use poison myth, it’s exactly that, a myth.  It is true that females are less likely to become serial killers, but again that seems to be dependent on motives and temperament more than whether they get involved with the wrong guy.

Female serial killers are harder to profile then males because we understand them less, primarily because psychopathy and sociopathy is less prevalent in females.  More interesting is that female psychopathy and sociopathy seem to have more genetic links than environmental.  Two children who grow up in the exact same environment, with only their gender being the difference can breed one male psychopath and one normal female.

There have been studies to try to prove that social engineering is a key difference in that boy children are supposed to be tougher and not allow themselves to be abused, but recent studies have found that in societies outside the US where macho personality traits are less favored by the general population, yield the same results as children in the US.  Much like the Double Y was thought to increase a male’s propensity for violence, people are starting to wonder if the X chromosome has something to do with antisocial personality disorder.

Sadly, this makes sense.  Boys only have a single X chromosome and they are more prone to ASPD with sociopathic and psychopathic tendencies.  Girls who have two X chromosomes would then need to inherit a gene on each X chromosome to trigger sociopathic or psychopathic ASPD thereby making it far more rare than it is in males.  It would also account for the slightly larger number of female serial killers with Munchhausen’s because it has predominately been a mental health disorder diagnosed in women.

D. Joseph Meyer, MD, PhD and a Different Kind of Doctor

For the pain in my legs and now, my hip, I get injections into the joints (spine and pelvis for my legs and the hip for my hip).  I see Dr. Joseph Meyer with Interventional Pain Management in Columbia Missouri.

When I started seeing him a year ago, I had lost hope that my leg pain would be fixed… ever.  I also had no clue what to expect.  I had never visited a pain management clinic because I had never needed to manage pain long term.

When my primary care doctor set up the appointment, he actually told me, he made it with Dr. Meyer because he thought we’d get along.  I can be a difficult patient and weird shit happens to me because I am just naturally clumsy.

It turns out, my primary care doctor was absolutely correct.  I cannot say enough good things about Dr. Meyer.  Today, I went in for a follow up to my injections in April (yep, it’s been a while) and he decided to check out my hip that the ER told me didn’t hurt.

Turns out it really does.  Dr. Meyer worked me in for steroids and numbing stuff injected into my hip.  Tonight, I am mostly pain free.  I still get a twinge when I stand for a long time, but it doesn’t just ache all the time like it did.

For the record, injections into the spine and turns out the hip, are really painful.  I want to scream and cuss when they do them.  The medication burns like liquid fire.  Also, there is a pressure-induced pain where it just feels like your skin and muscles are going to rupture from them pushing the medication in.  In the hours that follow, I have to keep a log of my pain and when my legs stop hurting, but the truth is, all I can think about is how much the injection sites hurt.  Movement makes me feel like the injection sites are ripping open.  I’m just miserable on those days.

I keep doing it because that day or two of pain is soooooo much better than the crushing sensation I get in my legs.  And it has surprisingly really really helped my migraines.  I might have three or four a month now (except right now when I’mm so stressed out that moving my head seems to make it hurt).  So much better than Botox.

Anyway, I  was lying on my left side, with my right butt checked exposed to nurses, nurse practitioners, and the doctor, and I was waiting for the pain that I knew was going to come.  And when it did, I wanted to scream.  I had a moment when I wondered if the pain in my hip was really as bad as the pain from the injections.

As the meds were going in, Dr. Meyer was telling me how he wanted to be a serial killer in one of my books and how he wanted to kill people.  It made me smile despite the pain.  Which is why I manage to make it through the injections without screaming, each and every time.  Dr. Meyer helps keep me focused on other things, things that make me smile and take my mind away from the pain.

And it didn’t just start in the procedure room.  He was using “air quotes” when we talked about my “hip pain” that the ER said I didn’t have.  He was making jokes while forcing my hip to move in ways that it absolutely did not want to move.

He’s thorough, but he seems to remember that sometimes, a smile and a giggle is some of the best medicine.  And he did this with a full schedule when really, I wasn’t supposed to see him today, just discuss with the nurse about my last injections and then she said she wanted to talk about my hip pain…  Sure, because it is killing me.  He just fit me in and got it sorted out to treat me today for something the ER told me I was imagining.  I do have sciatica, but there is indeed pain in the joint that is not going to respond to Tylenol no matter how large the dosage.  Hence why he put anesthesia and steroids into it today.

So, if you live in Mid-Missouri and need a good pain management doctor, I highly recommend Dr. Meyer with Columbia Interventional Pain Management.  He can keep you smiling regardless of how much it hurts and sometimes, that is the only thing that keeps a person from screaming.

Where Has Hadena Gone?

I survived my book talk on Tuesday.  There were a few moments of doubt on my part, as I slugged down several extra strength Tylenol so I could sit comfortably.  Aside from that two hours, I’ve pretty much been doing as little as possible.

First, let me explain the process, because most people are thinking they are like shots.  They really aren’t.  They mark the spots with pen where they are going to insert the needles.  Then they insert all the needles… all of them.  This time it was 18.  The doctor then moves from needle to needle with the medicine.  The syringe is screwed onto the needle, the medicine injected, the syringe unscrewed, and onto the next.  This is followed by a repeat of that same procedure on all the needles.  For 45 minutes, I laid on my stomach over an X-Ray machine that helped them guide the needles in and avoid bone, as they moved to each needle, injected, and etc.

Monday, I got injections for the leg pain that I suffer due to nerve irritation going through my SI joints.  The injections do help.  This time though, they made me sick.  Monday I ran a fever, was nauseated, slept most of the day, and hurt like you would not believe.

They hit my sciatic nerve on both sides this time.  That was interesting.  When the needle was inserted, my leg drew up all on its own and I couldn’t do anything about it.  So the injection went into a tensed leg on each side and felt like molten lava.

Those sites are still bothering me even today.  Tylenol is helping, but not much.  I can’t take NSAIDS, which sucks, because I think ibuprofen or ketorolac would help a lot more…

As bad as the sciatic injections were though, there was one worse.  There is a large nerve that runs through the pelvis from front to back.  To get to it, they stuck a needle in the crack of my ass. Holy shit.  It was unexpected and it hurt like hell.  No molten lava sensations, which was nice, but it feels like they tore everything down there.

It did teach me a few things:

  • My doctor has a sense of humor and I did tell him I was going to kill him in a book, which he was fine with.  It’s nice to have a doctor with a sense of humor.  I try very hard to be stoic when having any sort of procedure done and that means cracking jokes.  Having a doctor that jokes back is really nice.  I did yelp though when they did the three big ones.  However, I still got a pat on the back by the nurses and the doctor who said most people cry or scream during the procedures, so my tiny yelps were easy to deal with.
  • Injecting into large nerves hurts more than joints and smaller nerves.  And the recovery time seems to be longer.  I’m still having trouble getting comfortable when I sleep and standing/sitting is awful.  Bending and lifting is pretty bad.  I keep walking and doing what I’m supposed to be doing, but the healing is not going nearly as fast as the first time and it’s only those three injection sites that are still bothering me.
  • Whatever the hell is wrong with me responds to large doses of gabapentin.  I’ve mentioned before that sometimes I wake up and I just feel broken in half or the simple act of getting out of bed makes everything hurt. Literally, getting out of bed can be painful in my arms, back, feet, ears, it’s weird to have that happen.  However, after getting the injections, I stopped taking the gabapentin and found those familiar aches and pains coming back.  So today, I took a few that I had and found that tonight, I’m not having the pain I normally have that I just attribute to getting older.  I’m beginning to believe my doctor might be correct and a rheumatologist is in order.  This was further confirmed by X-Rays of my hands recently that showed no arthritis in them and yet, they feel and act like I have arthritis.  I also have issues with my body interpreting being cold as being in pain.  The gabapentin seems to have helped that.  My inflammation levels fluctuate a bit, sometimes they get high, but usually they are just above the normal range… So I don’t have a clue what’s going on and the gabapentin helping those pains is strange.
  • The only time Tramadol actually relieves my pain is when I mix it with gabapentin.  I don’t know exactly what the interaction between those two drugs are, but together, I can be completely pain free for a few hours.  The gabapentin also seems to reverse the side effects of the Tramadol.  Since it is a mild narcotic that also works by adjusting serotonin levels, I have some problems taking it (mainly I lose the ability to sleep when my serotonin levels are messed with – this is why my anxiety is treated with benzodiazepines and not antidepressants).  Taking the two together, makes me pain free and sleepy, which is something I desperately need right now.  Before the injections, I wasn’t sleeping because of the pain in my legs.  Now the pain in my legs is calm enough for me to sleep, but the injection sites are keeping me awake.
  • I am still in the accepting phase.  The injections are here for the long haul.  I’m going to continue to need them for a long time.  My other option is cutting nerves and that doesn’t sound fun to me.  I’m hopeful that in the future, I will learn to deal with them.  I have some pretty strong determination in that department.  However, when they wear off and the pain comes back, I also find myself depressed and wondering how long I can take it.  I knew I was going to have arthritis pain in my hips and the pseudo-arthritic condition in my hands.  I did not expect the chronic pain that I now have in my legs or the rest of my body.  I am looking forward to being able to take Lola the Destroyer back to the park for walks again.  I miss those.  It’s bonding time for us and she enjoys it and as long as the injections are working, it doesn’t cause me more pain.  It actually lifts my mood tremendously.
  • Finally, this means I haven’t been working as much as I’d like.  I need about 10 chapters on Flawless Dreams and this week has mostly been a bust in the writing department.  I’m hoping by Friday the injection sites are no longer bothering me and I can actually sit down long enough to write and stay focused.

Ok, so that’s me this week.  I just have to remind myself that it gets better… the leg pain is minimal and the injection sites will heal soon.

The Power of Amazing

I buy Jamberry, LuLaRoe, and Thirty-One.  Mostly because I love their stuff… but also because having a consultant that takes the time to deal with makes me feel amazing!  First, let me dispel a few myths…

  • It’s not a pyramid scheme.  Yes, you get people to sign up under you and you do take a percentage of what they make, but you don’t have to have anyone under you to make money and you aren’t being paid the initial investment fee of everyone under you.
  • The percentage taken by senior consultants from their junior consultants isn’t that much.
  • When you buy from a consultant’s stock, they keep any profit (usually about 30%).  If you buy from your consultant through their webstore, they make about 30%.
  • Most traditionally published authors give 80% or more of their sales to their publishers, advertisers, and agents…
  • Being a consultant is not just about pushing sales… It requires them to listen to their customers.

Ok, so that’s out of the way.  Let’s talk about the interaction that I get from my consultants.  My consultants ensure a few things happen without me asking:

  • They keep me update on new items or patterns.
  • They keep me update on specials and sales.
  • They keep me in the loop when something new is happening.

For me specifically, I need help when I shop.  I’m not a girly-girl and I can’t distinguish hues of colors.  This means anything with a pattern could essentially be a disaster and not at all what I think it is.  This is where my consultant steps in.  I can ask things like is that “purple or blue?” and “what exactly is that pattern because I’m not seeing it?”.

Furthermore, I can do this without anyone sighing at me or rolling their eyes.  Believe it or not, saleswomen in stores can get a little testy about this kind of crap.  I always try to shop with a friend, but sometimes a friend isn’t available.  I once went looking for black blouse.  I found one, it was on a rack full of colored blouses.  I asked the saleswoman just to be sure.  She confirmed it was black.  Got home, it was blue and absolutely did not go with my red and black skirt suit.  Manicurist are also not always the friendliest people on the planet.  I once asked for a manicure in purple, couldn’t tell what it was as she was applying it, but she told me it was purple… Dark red.  She just thought it would look better on me than purple and since I couldn’t really tell the color, she just went with it.

Finally, I like supporting women in business.  It sounds cliche, but I do.  I relate to them.  I technically own my own publishing house.  Knowing that I am helping other women who own their own businesses, makes me feel amazing.  Some of my consultants are stay at home moms.  Some are just trying to make some extra money.  All of them have the same goal: bettering their lives.

I admit that I have my dream job.  I get to sit around in my pajamas (or LuLaRoe leggings) and write books.  Being able to help my consultants achieve their dreams is a huge bonus.  Plus, whether it’s Amy, Trista, Sam, or Madison, I know exactly who I’m helping… They aren’t just women, they are my friends.

That is the power of amazing.

 

A Eureka! Moment?

I’ve been dealing with a migraine all week and it has varied from tolerable to making me worship the porcelain god.  Any time I have one like this, I start going through my migraine journal and I may have had a eureka moment…

Let me start by saying, I was born with my hips out of socket, both of them.  They discovered it and put them back in when I was six weeks old.  This hasn’t been a huge thing in my life.  I have arthritis in both hip joints, but it’s not bad enough for me to really notice it unless something out of the ordinary happens and then it’s just a hitch in my step.

Two year ago, when I started having problems with pain in my legs and went through the whole what the hell is wrong with me ordeal, I still didn’t think much about my hips as a baby.  Even when it turned out to be an issue with my SI joints and the nerves that run through them, I just sort of chalked it up to one of those things.  The doctor told me that my SI joints were mildly deformed, probably the result of having been born with my hips out of socket and that this was stressing the nerves running into my lower legs.

We put in nerve-blockers in November.  They wore off in the middle of March.  Not as long as we would have liked for them to last, but not surprising either.  I was told I would probably have to build up to getting a year or so of pain management out of the injections.

Now, back to the possible eureka moment.  Since getting the nerve-blockers, my migraines have seriously decreased… Far more than they did with the Botox.  And the few I had were easily manageable with a medication called Butalbital/Acetaminophen.  Butalbital is a barbiturate, barbiturates depress the central nervous system, meaning the nerves and neurons that make up the central nervous system fire fewer signals.

Which got me wondering… Is it possible that the deformation of my SI Joints, which is the area where my pelvis meets my spine, is putting pressure not just on the nerves that run into my lower legs, but possibly nerves that run up my spine or my spine itself?  If so, is it then also possible that this is the source of the majority of my migraines?

Could nerve blockers in my lower back really be the best treatment for my migraines?  It’s nearly unthinkable!  It’s just so… mind-boggling.  The deformity is very minor, a tilt of the pelvis that pushes my SI joints into a slightly different position and made them narrower than what they should be… something so insignificant that it has never been mentioned on any of the numerous X-Rays, CT Scans, or MRIs that I’ve had done.  I mean, I’ve been told my pelvis is tilted as a result of my hips being out of socket, but lots of people have a tilted pelvis for no reason at all and don’t have migraines.

And if so, what does that mean for my triggers?  Perhaps the pressure on the nerves or spine that causes my migraines somehow make my central nervous system more sensitive to normal migraine triggers – light, smells, noise, these have always been my biggest three triggers.  Is it because my central nervous system is already in overload because my SI joints and pelvis are somehow irritating it?

It is something I will have to discuss with a doctor, possibly my pain management doctor as well as my primary care physician and when/if I get a new neurologist them too… Then maybe it’s time to see a rheumotologist about it.  I have arthritis in my SI Joints as well as my hips.  Again, it’s mild and doesn’t seem to bother me, but it could be another factor that would explain why my migraines have gotten so much worse as I have gotten older.

Wow… Just wow…

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