Thirty Days

Let the chaos begin.  I officially have 30 days before I walk down the aisle and I’m beginning to panic.  Not about the day, but about everything that needs or does not need to still be done.  And today was both triumphant and epically tragic.

On the triumphant side:

I got more stuff to the editor.  I somehow forgot I had more than one project going on at once right now.  So, I sent her some of the stuff for Terrorific Tales – the short story project that contains lots of flash fiction pieces, some of them prompts offered up by you guys!

My SO found the guys’ shirts.  We went to JC Penney’s today, because it was just easy.  The great thing about Penney’s is that they carry both big & tall, which is what the groom and best man needs and regular sizes, which the groomsman needs.  In a stroke of amazingness, they had the exact same shirt in both sections.  And I had agreed to let the guys wear polos.  It’s what my SO prefers.  However, the shirt he picked out is a lovely grey button down, complete with long sleeves.  My SO cleans up nice.  It’s rare for him to get gussied up, but when he does, it always blows me away.  Now that he has a grey button down shirt, he’s talking about getting burgundy ties for all the guys because my dress is ivory (white), but the ribbon accent is burgundy.  I love seeing him in a tie, I don’t know why.

I found the perfect hair accessories for my Maid of Honor, Matron of Honor, and myself.  This may not seem like a huge success, but it is.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a burgundy hair accessory?  It isn’t exactly color of the year.

On the epically tragic side:

I tried a body shaper.  I have a paunch and a waist.  The two should be mutually exclusive, but they aren’t.  This means some styles make me look like I’m a few months pregnant.  Normally, I just don’t buy those styles, but my dress has an empire waist which means, I look like I have just started to show.  Even I look at myself in the mirror and in pictures and wonder when I’m due (I am not pregnant).  I have never tried a body shaper before, but I read the directions, found the correct size and headed to the dressing room.

Holy Rusted Metal, Batman!  Either the size was incredibly wrong or these are some sort of torture device/workout machine.  First, by the time I got both legs in it and the material pulled up to my hips, I was out of breath.  I was literally huffing and puffing.  Second, the picture showed that it should terminate just below the bust. It terminated just above my belly button.  There was still material that should have theoretically stretched up that high, but it was like it was tapered to get smaller as it went up the body.  After some serious tugging and mild swearing, I did get it up… mostly.  But it wouldn’t stay.  The moment I stopped tugging on it, it rolled down to my belly button again.  Finally, I had to give up and take it off.  Getting it off was actually harder than getting it on!  I don’t even know how that’s possible.  It involved some more swearing, not nearly as mild, some serious tugging because the weird top part seemed to get stuck on my hips (I am a 38-35-38, so I have some girth, but I’m not Jabba the Hut).  Even sticking my thumbs in it and trying to pull it away from my hips did not budge it.  I finally had to grab the bottoms of the legs, stretch it down to my feet, hook it on my toes, and then roll it down like a pair of pantyhose… which created other problems, like trying to save my underwear from getting rolled up with it and it peeled off a patch of skin from my thigh – I have no idea why it peeled my skin, but I have about a three inch stripe on my right thigh that looks like a rug burn that I got from the body shaper.  WTF?!

We get home from shopping and I realize that I have left my sunglasses in the changing room.  I just got so distracted by the disastrous attempt to put on and take off the body shaper, that I forgot my sunglasses on the little stool in the changing room.  I wear amber lenses because it changes the light and I’m less likely to get a sun-triggered migraine with them over the ones that just darken everything.  But it’s winter in Missouri and sunglasses aren’t exactly overflowing the shelves.  I have difficulty finding the amber lenses during the summer.  So my options are to mimic a vampire and only go out after dark or attempt to buy a new set.  I called the store, no one had turned them in and they weren’t in the changing room.  Some lucky woman got a nice $50 set of purple framed/amber lensed sunglasses while she was trying on lingerie.

Then there’s the things that still need to be done.  My SO is still on the fence about the ties.  If he chooses not to get them, I will be mildly disappointed, but I can live with it.  We still have to do the cake tasting (even for cupcakes, you have to schedule a cake tasting) and we can’t figure out how many cupcakes to order – we are expecting 150 people for the reception with most of our friends and family not RSVPing.  So do we buy 150 cupcakes?  Do we go lower?  Do we buy more just in case?  My niece said they bought 200 for her reception, but I and my SO were among those that didn’t get one.  However, she also can’t figure out how many people were at her reception… so far, she’s given me three different numbers (she’s also given me three different numbers regarding how many cupcakes they ordered).  We need to organize a shuttle because we have lots of out of towners who will be staying in hotels and we don’t want anyone to drink and drive.  We are getting married in a shop that will be decorated all fancy, because my Matron of Honor loves that kind of stuff, so Lola the Destroyer will be at our 10 minute ceremony (that includes my walk down the aisle and our exit – I’m all about short and sweet).  Mostly because we agreed to have pictures taken with her.  She’s family at this point.  It seems fitting that we include her in that part (she does not have a role in the wedding, but she will be getting a new harness that day and I’m hoping she can sit during it… if not, there’s a backyard with other dogs we can put her in).  I need to get my hair colored a few days before I go get my hair styled.  I need a manicure and my shoes, while not sandals, show some of my feet, so I’m debating a pedicure… I’ve never had a pedicure and the procedure scares me.

What I really need the day of the wedding is for my Maid and Matron to hold my hand while I get hair and makeup done and maybe carry brown paper bags in case my anxiety gets the best of me and possibly offer me shots from time to time.  I’m kinda stressed about the process of how we are going to have my hair and makeup done and then put me in the dress.  That seems like it is going to take talent that girly girls have and I can barely figure out how to wear dress shoes with heels.

Oh and for Mother Nature to be kind to me and not drop three feet of snow the day before or the day of my wedding.

For the record, I am feeling overwhelmed, extremely stressed, and out of my league.  The most I’ve ever done for a wedding was attend and then it was grudgingly.

Leave a comment


  1. Renea

     /  January 26, 2017

    I’m not a hair or makeup girl either, so that part was stressful for me too. Tips I learned for my wedding: 1) wear a button up shirt so you don’t have to pull a t-shirt over your head, and 2) if your dress has to go over your head, put a large elastic band shower cap over your hair first so the bobby pins or whatever else you might have in your hair don’t catch on the dress and pull your hair loose. We ended up using a plastic shopping bag over my head cause we forgot the shower cap 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Nina Julius

     /  January 26, 2017

    Oh u poor thing I felt every pain as u described it please slow down u don’t want a.migrain to spoil your day I was theother of the bride 17 months ago so I can relate to u being anxious I ended up dressed smart but comfortable trousers & blouse I dont do legs for any occasion in fact my shroud will have legs in my sisters laugh WTF is she like they all know I mean it
    Sorry to ramble I hope your to do list will soon be an all done list..
    Wishing u health & happiness

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Alicia

     /  January 27, 2017

    Just what I needed on this ridiculously early morning! I opted to purchase the body shaper and bring it home to try on. Thank goodness! Your description was perfect… Needless to say, it was returned the next day. Thank you for the laughs.

    Liked by 1 person


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