Things I Couldn’t Make Up if I Tried…

On occasion, the universe throws me something so bizarre, I have no idea what to do with it.  It’s at these moments that no matter how creative I get, there are just some things I would never think up.  Here’s a short list:

  • There are geese in the park where I walk Lola the Destroyer.  Every once in a while during our walk, she will grab a mouthful of acorns, take them as close to the geese as I will allow her to get, and drop the acorns for the geese.  I haven’t a clue why. *Sidenote: the geese are not afraid of her and the closest I will let her get is about 15 feet because if they attack her, they are going to come after me as well.
  • I saw a woman dressed in a clown suit filling her cart with nothing but cases of beer and lots of cans of Redi-Whip at my local grocery store.  It was not October.
  • While shopping for my wedding dress, I overheard another bride-to-be explaining to the poofy dress picker outer from the store that she was two months pregnant and was due the same month as the wedding.  The dress lady kept trying to explain that she might want to wait to buy the dress and the bride-to-be just kept responding with it wasn’t a big deal, she’d have the baby a week or two early so she could fit back into the dress at her pre-pregnancy weight.
  • Stopped at a stop light one time and noticed that there were two women in the car next to me.  The passenger was applying makeup to the driver and also trying to style the driver’s hair.
  • When iPod came out with their broadcast your iTunes library to your radio by tuning into an unused radio channel, I was using my all the time, because I had a 30 minute commute to work and a 30 minute commute home, depending on traffic.  I’m listening to music as I go down the road and suddenly, my music is interrupted by talking.  Someone was listening to an erotica audiobook on the exact same station and for about 20 seconds, all I could hear was their intimate descriptions of thrusting.
  • I had a boss that threw a tantrum about something.  I’m sure it was trivial, but he was still kicking his desk every once in a while as if he were scoring the FIFA World Cup winning goal.  As he fumed, surprisingly not at me, I warned him that if he kicked his desk again, he’d probably break a toe.  To prove me wrong, he kicked his desk again.  I was wrong, he didn’t break a toe… He broke his desk.  The side collapsed and everything went tumbling onto the floor.  The computer monitor fell on his foot and broke it though.
  • Same boss, different day.  We get into a serious argument in his office.  The door is closed.  They can hear us shouting at each other halfway across the building. He’s swearing at me in a foreign language, which I had learned a few key words and phrases from.  I’m swearing back at him in English and threatening to quit.  We were forced to do “Couples Anger Management therapy” for 8 weeks.  When the therapist asked what we were arguing about, we both had to admit it was because we couldn’t agree on where to get take-out from.  We were working on a huge project and spent 12-15 hours a day, 6 and sometimes 7 days a week, together.  Working through lunch and dinner had become part of our routine and we regularly ordered out because neither of us could remember to bring our lunch.
  • In high school, I watched a girl shove the end of a paperclip through her nose because her mother refused to sign off on her getting a septum piercing.  She was two months away from being 18, when she could have legally gotten it sans paperclip.
  • Riding in the bed of a truck, it’s late, I’m with some friends.  One of them decides to steal the road poles.  These are orange flexible poles standing a couple of feet high that they put on roads to keep people from merging into lanes or crossing the centerline.  He reaches out, grabs one, and is promptly yanked from the bed of the truck.  His only injury is a dislocated shoulder and some scratches.  He failed to realize they were bolted into road.  This story should actually start with “Here, hold my beer” because he had been drinking, he just wasn’t drinking as we were riding down the road.
  • Finally, my SO and I were driving down the road one afternoon near Mark Twain Lake.  A male peacock crosses the road in front of us.  Near that same spot about a decade and a half earlier, I saw an orangutan cross the road.  Neither are native to Missouri.
Leave a comment


  1. Edie

     /  January 12, 2017

    Certainly some OMG moments here! You can’t make this stuff up! LOL!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That is very interesting about Lola, the acorns and the geese – I wonder why she thinks they would eat acorns. The clown thing is just scary – you and the SO sure see some interesting things when you are out and about…lol…

    Liked by 1 person

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