A Dog at a Wedding & Other Things

In other news today, Triggered Reality is nearly finished.  Maybe one or two more days of writing/editing is all I have left.  Then I have to scrounge up money for a not me editor… turns out quarterly taxes and wedding expenses are taking up far more money than I expected.

First, I’d like to say that I’m kinda happy that quarterly taxes are way higher than expected because that means that I made far more money this quarter than I expected.  Second, let me say, I might need a second job, at least temporarily, to pay bills, taxes, and wedding expenses.  For a simple wedding, the price tag seems to be climbing faster than I expected.

However, wedding plans are moving right along.  The rings arrive today.  I’ll take a picture and show everyone since we went with wooden/lexan rings and that baffles just about everyone.

Lola the Destroyer is now on the guest list, possibly a member of the bridal party.  No dress, I don’t need that kind of stress in my life, she had to wear one of my t-shirts the other day (she wouldn’t stop licking the hydrocortisone cream off after the vet told us to apply it) and it will probably make it into a Dysfunctional story because it was definitely dysfunctional.  She is getting a shiny new harness for it.  Hers is getting old and torn up anyway.  We’ll just put off replacing it until our wedding in February.

Someone offered to make her a pink saddlebag type contraption so that she could sprinkle flower petals down the aisle for us.  Unfortunately, I don’t think she’s Flower Dog material.  The same someone offered to make a saddle like contraption to put the rings on and have her hold them.  That someone knows Lola the Destroyer and why/how she got the moniker The Destroyer, so I’m thinking these ideas are a bout of insanity brought on by wedding planning weirdness.

If someone had told me in August what I would be stressed out about in January, I would have laughed at them.  Not just a little snicker, but a full body-shaking laugh that makes it impossible to breath and sends tears streaming down the cheeks.

The last few days have seen several requests for a registry.  Except, I can’t think of what to put on a registry list.  We don’t need stuff.  We have stuff.  We’ve lived together seven years… I would like to have a lasagna pan, but seriously, I need only one of them.  My kitchen is stocked with more gizmos and gadgets and pans than most people realize exist.  I even have one of those knife/cutting board scissor things that they sell on TV (yes, I’m that type of person and it works amazing on vegetables, meats, and other hard things… mushrooms, soft cheeses, and other squishy things are not so great; don’t try to use it on a tomato in other words).

So, I set up a honeymoon fund on GoFundMe.  We don’t have anything extravagant planned for it, yet, but that’s just because I can’t convince my SO we should head to Belize for a week to ten days (snorkeling, Mayan ruins, umbrella drinks on the beach, and English because I suck at all Romance Languages – English has a huge chunk of Latin words, but is still considered a Germanic Language).

Things I’m stressed about:

  • The cake – do I get a real cake or cupcakes?  Cupcakes sound easier and I don’t have to deal with fondant, which I actually hate more than icing.  Considering I scrape all the icing off cake anyway, that seems like such a waste.
  • RSVPs – they say to expect about half of the people who RSVP to accept.  I think I’m going to have a different problem… I think more people are going to attend than RSVP.  Like a whole lot more.
  • Keeping it small – The SO and I originally capped the guest list for the actual wedding at 30.  Then at 40.  Now we have 42, which is the meaning to life, the universe, and everything and that’s great, but we admittedly did not invite some people that I’m wondering if we should have (family members).
  • Walking Down the Aisle – My father would like to walk me down the aisle and I’m fine with that.  Now, I’ve been asked if we are walking to music or just walking.  I’m leaning towards just walking, no music.  I have this irrational fear that he is going to want to walk to either Butterfly Kisses or He Stopped Loving Her Today – There are stories behind each of these songs.  If I was going to pick a song, it would be something like Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright (this is my favorite version), Are You Gonna Kiss Me by Thompson Squared, Can’t Help Falling In Love by Elvis Presley, or Wilder Wein by Rammstein.  None of these are among my dad’s top 10,000 choices.
  • Dancing – Growing up, I learned to dance.  I could two-step, waltz, box step, fox trot, and even jitterbug.  In my thirties, it appears that I have become very stiff and rigid when I dance.  Since I specifically told the SO I wanted a Husband and Wife dance, I’m now sorta freaked out that I cannot let loose and dance.  Worse, I’d like a father/daughter dance and I have a good song for it, but again…  Also, is it weird to have a mother/daughter dance?  My mom means the world to me and she’s the one who helped me learn to dance when I was young.
  • Spanx – I know I need them.  I have a stomach pooch and empire waistlines make me look a little pregnant (I’m not pregnant, just overweight).  Of course, the dress I bought has an empire waistline.  I’m working on losing a little bit of weight, but I’m still going to need to cover that pooch and my dress is not built for a corset.  However, I haven’t a clue how to buy them.  I had to ask someone where to buy them even… this is not an Amazon purchase because I need to try them on. (Can you try on Spanx?!)
  • Guys’ Clothes – My SO wants to wear polos.  I’m not totally opposed, but I was hoping for something a little more dashing (he looks great when he dresses up).  It is our wedding after all and he wears polos often, even though they are dart shirts, they are still polos.  My cousin had a great idea of having them wear the vest and tie from a tux that matches my ribbon on my dress (it’s burgundy) and then putting them in black shirts and black slacks, since I went monochrome on the bridesmaid dresses.  She even has the hookup on where to get the vests and ties cheap.
  • Ladies’ Clothes – I think each lady needs a splash of color.  I have a burgundy ribbon for my ivory (white, it’s effing white, regardless of what everyone says) dress.  So, I was thinking about adding a splash of color to theirs, but I don’t know if I go with burgundy for theirs too or something complimentary to burgundy – by the way, I have no idea what is complementary to burgundy.  Also, what would I get them?  Ribbons won’t work for both.  Are shaws outdated?
  • Wedding Registry – While I would prefer donations of the monetary type for our honeymoon, I know some people are traditional and prefer to give actual gifts.  But I really am stuck at “lasagna pan.”  We just don’t need stuff.  So how do I fill out a registry for stuff I don’t need?
  • My Maid of Honor – We had a slight disagreement the other day.  We’ve been friends forever, so I know it isn’t a huge stumbling block.  But I also know we are both stubborn, determined, and strong-willed and I feel like it could become a much bigger problem (it had nothing to do with the wedding).  Because when I get pissed, I don’t pull many punches.  So, it’s mostly my fault that it escalated as much as it did.  Even as I was typing the messages, I knew I needed to stop.  That’s probably my biggest fault as a human being… Once I’m angry, I’m pissed as hell.
  • Shuttle – We definitely need a shuttle for the reception.  We have a ton of people coming from out of town who will need to go back to their hotel rooms.  Not to mention those in town that will probably need rides.

The good news is that our vows are done (the ceremony will take ten minutes if we drag it out with the ring exchange, kiss, and I do’s).  The food took care of itself.  The DJ was easy to find, we play darts with him.  And I solved the two Maid of Honors problem; I now have a Maid of Honor (one cousin is not married) and a Matron of Honor (because the other one is).


Leave a comment


  1. Rochet

     /  December 30, 2016

    I’m going to only chime in on one glad your almost done with that book bye the way…OK the cake did you know you can get whipped cream frosting it’s not as sweet as the others …

    Liked by 1 person

    • I hate it too. 😄 I just don’t eat a ton of sweets and I have never liked frosting. If we make a cake or cupcakes, we leave part of them plain so I will eat them.


  2. Joan

     /  December 30, 2016

    Spanx are easy. Go to the mall, find a Macy’s or something similar and try them on. The hard part is deciding on a one piece – do you want that much compression, or two pieces, and worry about what happens in the middle. Then there are long legs, short, one piece that covers the bust one fits under….. it’s an experience.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. patricia lupien

     /  December 31, 2016

    Definitely have cupcakes to serve the quests and just a small cake to cut for the ceremony. Its much easier .My son did that at his wedding. He had red velvet cupcakes, tiramisu cupcakes, carrotcake , and othe assorted ones for the quests to choose from.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Rachael Snow

     /  December 31, 2016

    You may not be looking for an opinion but I’m going to give you mine.
    1. Cupcakes. You can order them in different flavors and colors and get a custom one for you and your SO
    2. 42 is an acceptable number. unless you plan to invite the Dolphins.
    3. Walking down the aisle. Choose whatever song YOU want. It is YOUR wedding, and your SO. We choose the Imperial Death March much to the chagrin of his mother. Also yes you can have a mother/ daughter dance.
    4. Dance like no one was watching. After awhile you won’t care.
    5. Go to Dillard’s, Kohls, or any slightly upscale department store and try on spanx. If they are pricy find the same ones on Amazon and see if you can get a better price. Don’t forget about ebates.
    6. Make the splash of color the flowers each attendant is holding. To cut down on price make it 1 flower a piece. Or make it unique bouque. Have them make their own a few days before at a drink and craft get together a few days before.
    7. Pools are acceptable. Remember your SO should be comfortable too.
    8. Register for gift cards. Remember to register at places you and your SO enjoy, like Home Depot or wherever you play darts frequently. Also having people give to a charity is great. The honeymoon fund is perfect too. Don’t forget to have a donation box, some people just give cash.
    8. Everyone gets stressed.
    9. See if the hotel has a shuttle. Most don’t want their guests drinking and driving.
    10. Have fun!
    Congratulations on the book. I can’t wait! You ROCK!



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