We all have moments… you know the kind where something you do or say comes out incredibly awkward or stupid or makes it look like your IQ is smaller than your shoe size. In the past week, I’ve had some doozies and to prove I really am human, I’m going to share them with you:
- SnapChat Fail #1: My niece-by-live-in-arrangements with my nephew got a pillow that reads I ❤ Goldendoodles. Niece SnapChats a picture of her dog lying on the pillow and captions it “Nani has claimed the pillow.” Instead of my brain going “oh, that’s hilarious” it said “Why would Nani love Goldendoodles? I don’t get it.” Face palm… Nani is a Goldendoodle.
- SnapChat Fail #2: Tried to send a SnapChat to above mentioned niece of Lola. I took the picture, started writing the caption about Lola the Destroyer Rockin’ Out Rhinestones (she was wearing my shirt from Panama Beach). Went to hit send, the shirt wasn’t visible in the picture, just her rear end… Luckily I noticed in time to take a different picture.
- Writing Fail #1: I’m furiously typing away one of the middle chapters of Triggered Reality. A lot had happened to get to that point and I was really focused. I finish the chapter, realize I’m nodding along to the music in my headphones, and decide to read the masterpiece I had just written. The last four paragraphs were the lyrics to Stirb Nicht vor Mir by Rammstein, the song I had been subconsciously nodding along to while I wrote.
- Writing Fail #2: I erase the Rammstein lyrics and decide I’m obviously done for night. The song changes and I’m now listening to Don’t You Wanna Stay by Jason Aldean and Kelly Clarkson, which conjures up wedding thoughts because this is the song I intend to use as our husband/wife dance. The program asks me if I want to save. No, I don’t want to save a bunch of pointless Rammstein lyrics in the middle of my story. Click no and exit. Open it a few seconds later because I remembered I had deleted the lyrics… Three chapters not saved.
- SnapChat Fail #3: Friend sends me video of her dog in the snow (because that’s what SnapChat is all about in my life – dogs, cats, and the occasional baby picture or video). I have nothing interesting in front of me, so I decide to take a close up photo of my hand. Send it back saying “So Cute!” She replies “My dog or your cleavage?” Damn. My hand did look like cleavage didn’t it.
- Facebook Fail #1: I spent 10 minutes trying to get Facebook to update my status to “Awesome Movie,” with a few people tagged along with the movie. It crashes. A few minutes later I start getting Facebook comments asking what was so “Awes”….
- Life Fail #1-10: Over the course of many years, I have been repeatedly asked to leave Hobby Lobby for swearing. Once I was actually banned for six months because I grabbed something that was on a hook and brought not just that hook, but three others down to the ground, spilling merchandise at my feet and without think said “Well fuck this day.” As I was picking it all up and replacing it, a manager came to talk to me about me being unwelcome for six months. However, it didn’t go into effect until I cleaned up the mess and paid for my merchandise.
- Life Fail #11: I once sent a note to a boss telling him the “dicks were on his desk and if he had problems using them to let me know.” I had placed a stack of burned compact discs with gobs of information on them when burning CDs was still new (yes, it was the late 1990s). Either spell check changed it from discs to dicks or my brain didn’t know what it was doing.
- Facebook Fail #2: I was actively engaged in a discussion of a blog post on indie authors and the realities they faced. The blogger stated that most indies would fail because they wouldn’t understand the need to continue to publish books to stay in the spotlight. I began arguing that if they had a good marketing strategy and a great book, it was possible for them to avoid publishing frequently and still make money… Right up until someone pointed out that I wrote the original blog post they were discussing.
- Writer Fail #3: The real reason Flawless Dreams failed to publish in December, I deleted the book file. For some reason, it wasn’t titled Flawless Dreams and it wasn’t in the Flawless Dreams folder. It was in a random folder and titled Shit About Insects. Thinking it was a project that I had scraped, I deleted it. I have just the first three chapters of it left.
- Life Fail #3: Ordered my mother a Crockpot for Christmas off of Amazon. Didn’t check the “it’s a gift” box because it was shipping with several other items. The Crockpot arrived by itself, in the original box, without an Amazon box around it. I wasn’t home when it was delivered so my mom now knows I bought her a Crockpot for Christmas to replace the one that she currently has and is having some minor issues.
- Facebook Fail #3: Got a private message asking why Good Omens was my favorite book. I gave them a list of reasons and then politely asked what their favorite book was. They responded with Dark Cotillion. I asked who it was by…
- Life Win #1: One of my cousins reads my blog and had read the one where I was talking about wedding planning and not having a clue what I’m doing. She is one of the MOH/Bridesmaids that will be standing with me. She made a joke and called me a bridezilla. I got really excited and asked if she had gotten the link for the dress that I had mentioned in my blog. She said no and asked when I’d sent it. I responded with “I didn’t”. We both got a chuckle out of it. 😀
Yep, I totally have those moments when my brain just checks out and I end up saying or doing something incredibly stupid.