I have been mostly silent this week because my brain is on overload. The reality that I’m getting married in two months has set in. And that lead to a lot of introspection on the subject.
I’m not exactly “bride” material. I haven’t a clue what I’m supposed to be doing. I feel bad because my cousin, Melinda, has taken over most of that for me. And I have a ton of questions not to mention I’m getting asked a ton of questions; most of them I don’t have answers to.
For example, my SO decided he wanted someone to stand up with us. He wanted Tony. Tony is Melinda’s husband and the reason my SO and I have known each other for 22 years (four or five of them was spent trying to kill each other, just so you know). I have no problem with Tony and Melinda standing up with us. I did have a problem with leaving out Beth. If I’m going to get married and have people standing next to me, Melinda and Beth are both going to be there. These are the two closest friends (and first cousins) I have. I can’t imagine having one and not the other. Thankfully, the SO agreed to find a 2nd guy and he did. That’s sorted.
But then there were bridesmaid dresses/maid of honor dresses, wait, can a girl have 2 maid of honors? How much am I supposed to dictate what they wear? I know what I would like, but I also know that both of them, while being fair complected with dark hair, look good in different colors and styles. So, I went with black and very little restrictions. This seems to be a no-no and I’m not sure why. I keep getting asked if I’m sure about it. And which one is my maid of honor? Pretty sure it’s both… How important is that title? Does a maid of honor do anything that the bridesmaids’ don’t?
Am I having a bachelorette party? Dude, I haven’t even taken the time to order the actual wedding invitations. I have the reception invitations, I think I should get a point for that. My idea of a bachelorette party is a nice meal at my favorite restaurant, two hours away from Melinda and me and 3 or 4 for Beth… so that’s pretty special for me. Yeah, it’s just the three of us at the moment… am I supposed to invite more? Is it rude not to invite more? Who would I invite? There are 3 women in my wedding not counting my minister (who is also female). I kinda thought about doing something here in town (probably dinner because I’m so adventurous) for family; nieces, mom, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, sister, but I haven’t made those plans.
What exactly are wedding colors? How do I even out a tan? Is evening out a tan actually important (I have a distinct tan line in this dress)? Where are we registered? We aren’t registered because we’ve lived together for 7 years, what could we possibly need people to buy us? So does that make it rude to tell people to just give us money if they feel they have to get us a gift? No, I don’t know what kind of cake we are having yet. No, I don’t know what sides will be served with the main course, I do know the main course – more points please. Is it weird to offer a non-profit the opportunity to raise money by providing the sides for us? I would gladly pay a specific non-profit group to whip those puppies up. At least I would feel better about spending all that money on food and I know it would be delicious.
Then today, an ad popped up on Facebook for a dress. It’s a great dress. It would look wonderful on both my ladies and it’s less than $40. Do I send them the link and go “hey, look I know that I said I wasn’t going to be picky about this, but you would both look fantabulous in this dress and it sorta matches mine and comes in five colors, so you could get the one that looks best on you.”? Or does that turn me into a bridezilla?
Of course, both my ladies suffer from the same problem every lady suffers from “does my ass look huge?” The answer is no. Until they started asking me, I had never really noticed their asses. So, obviously, it’s not in need of a sign when the reverse. Ironically, both of them seem to have asses and I do not. I’m blaming that on genes from my father, since both of my cousins are related to me on my mother’s side. Now, I’m wondering if I need that padded butt enhancer along with Spanx to go under my dress because my butt only exists when I bend over.
Do I have honeymoon lingerie? The real question is; do I have a honeymoon? We are spending the first night we are married in a hotel, but does that require special lingerie? Do Spanx and a butt enhancer count? We’ll be in it for like seven hours, mostly sleeping off the party we are going to have because our wedding is small and our reception is not… there will even be darts along with dancing.
Another area where I got points, I ordered us rings. They aren’t traditional, much like everything else about our wedding. I’m allergic to metal and my SO is a mechanic (oh the horror stories I know from that), so wooden rings with lexan inlays are being designed for us. They are beautiful. My SO will wear his on special occasions. I don’t know if I will ever be able to get mine off once it goes on.
The minister, who is my former boss, wrote us some wonderful vows. Not traditional, not religious, but they are wonderful and specific to us. I’m pretty excited about them. She managed to get everything I wanted in them. The SO hasn’t read them yet, but I think he’ll be pleased.
Now, I’m being asked about speeches and dances and something to do with dollars that I don’t totally understand.
Today is when it really hit me… My wedding is only two months away… and I suddenly feel like I have a ton of shit to get done for it. Needless to say, for the first time, I’m feeling overwhelmed and seriously stressed about it.
*Side note: I actually cried when my SO agreed to find another guy to stand with him. Until that moment, I had not realized how important it was to me that I have both Melinda and Beth stand up with me at my wedding.