Mostly Silent


I have been mostly silent this week because my brain is on overload.  The reality that I’m getting married in two months has set in.  And that lead to a lot of introspection on the subject.

I’m not exactly “bride” material.  I haven’t a clue what I’m supposed to be doing.  I feel bad because my cousin, Melinda, has taken over most of that for me.  And I have a ton of questions not to mention I’m getting asked a ton of questions; most of them I don’t have answers to.

For example, my SO decided he wanted someone to stand up with us.  He wanted Tony.  Tony is Melinda’s husband and the reason my SO and I have known each other for 22 years (four or five of them was spent trying to kill each other, just so you know).  I have no problem with Tony and Melinda standing up with us.  I did have a problem with leaving out Beth.  If I’m going to get married and have people standing next to me, Melinda and Beth are both going to be there.  These are the two closest friends (and first cousins) I have.  I can’t imagine having one and not the other.  Thankfully, the SO agreed to find a 2nd guy and he did.  That’s sorted.

But then there were bridesmaid dresses/maid of honor dresses, wait, can a girl have 2 maid of honors?  How much am I supposed to dictate what they wear?  I know what I would like, but I also know that both of them, while being fair complected with dark hair, look good in different colors and styles.  So, I went with black and very little restrictions.  This seems to be a no-no and I’m not sure why.  I keep getting asked if I’m sure about it. And which one is my maid of honor? Pretty sure it’s both… How important is that title?  Does a maid of honor do anything that the bridesmaids’ don’t?

Am I having a bachelorette party?  Dude, I haven’t even taken the time to order the actual wedding invitations.  I have the reception invitations, I think I should get a point for that.  My idea of a bachelorette party is a nice meal at my favorite restaurant, two hours away from Melinda and me and 3 or 4 for Beth… so that’s pretty special for me. Yeah, it’s just the three of us at the moment… am I supposed to invite more?  Is it rude not to invite more?  Who would I invite?  There are 3 women in my wedding not counting my minister (who is also female). I kinda thought about doing something here in town (probably dinner because I’m so adventurous) for family; nieces, mom, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, sister, but I haven’t made those plans.

What exactly are wedding colors?  How do I even out a tan?  Is evening out a tan actually important (I have a distinct tan line in this dress)?  Where are we registered? We aren’t registered because we’ve lived together for 7 years, what could we possibly need people to buy us? So does that make it rude to tell people to just give us money if they feel they have to get us a gift?  No, I don’t know what kind of cake we are having yet.  No, I don’t know what sides will be served with the main course, I do know the main course – more points please.  Is it weird to offer a non-profit the opportunity to raise money by providing the sides for us?  I would gladly pay a specific non-profit group to whip those puppies up.  At least I would feel better about spending all that money on food and I know it would be delicious.

Then today, an ad popped up on Facebook for a dress.  It’s a great dress.  It would look wonderful on both my ladies and it’s less than $40.  Do I send them the link and go “hey, look I know that I said I wasn’t going to be picky about this, but you would both look fantabulous in this dress and it sorta matches mine and comes in five colors, so you could get the one that looks best on you.”? Or does that turn me into a bridezilla?

Of course, both my ladies suffer from the same problem every lady suffers from “does my ass look huge?”  The answer is no.  Until they started asking me, I had never really noticed their asses.  So, obviously, it’s not in need of a sign when the reverse.  Ironically, both of them seem to have asses and I do not.  I’m blaming that on genes from my father, since both of my cousins are related to me on my mother’s side.  Now, I’m wondering if I need that padded butt enhancer along with Spanx to go under my dress because my butt only exists when I bend over.

Do I have honeymoon lingerie?  The real question is; do I have a honeymoon?  We are spending the first night we are married in a hotel, but does that require special lingerie?  Do Spanx and a butt enhancer count?  We’ll be in it for like seven hours, mostly sleeping off the party we are going to have because our wedding is small and our reception is not… there will even be darts along with dancing.

Another area where I got points, I ordered us rings.  They aren’t traditional, much like everything else about our wedding.  I’m allergic to metal and my SO is a mechanic (oh the horror stories I know from that), so wooden rings with lexan inlays are being designed for us.  They are beautiful.  My SO will wear his on special occasions.  I don’t know if I will ever be able to get mine off once it goes on.

The minister, who is my former boss, wrote us some wonderful vows.  Not traditional, not religious, but they are wonderful and specific to us.  I’m pretty excited about them.  She managed to get everything I wanted in them.  The SO hasn’t read them yet, but I think he’ll be pleased.

Now, I’m being asked about speeches and dances and something to do with dollars that I don’t totally understand.

Today is when it really hit me… My wedding is only two months away… and I suddenly feel like I have a ton of shit to get done for it.  Needless to say, for the first time, I’m feeling overwhelmed and seriously stressed about it.

*Side note: I actually cried when my SO agreed to find another guy to stand with him.  Until that moment, I had not realized how important it was to me that I have both Melinda and Beth stand up with me at my wedding.

 

 

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6 Comments

  1. Lynda

     /  December 21, 2016

    This should be the #1 wedding rule: Do what makes you happy. Period. It is your celebration. When planning our wedding I started to scream when I was told “you have to…” or “you must…” or “required…”. The worst was my unconventional (at the time) sister insisting on rules and refusing to help with anything she demanded. My rule became that unless someone was paying for something their opinion and preference was immaterial.

    I just attended the most unconventional wedding, it was beautiful, full of love, heartfelt. I think that matters most. I would have happily been married with that and not the pomp and circumstance.

    Liked by 1 person

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  2. Sandy Hall

     /  December 21, 2016

    Rules? What rules? Do what makes you happy, regardless of “convention”.
    Only thing I told my 3 sisters: “Wear whatever you have that make you feel pretty. I don’t care what color, what style, what length… If it make you feel pretty, wear it.”
    Invitations were postcard looking things with my favorite painting my now HD took me to see in Amsterdam when we first started dating.
    Flowers? Told the florist to pick whatever was in season and run w/ it. They’re flowers, for christ sake – how bad could the bouquet be?
    Cake? My only “demand” was that it not be wedding cake. I HATE wedding cake. We had a fruit-tart thing w/ a shortbread base. It was awesome.
    Don’t stress about the little things. Your guests will not remember the dresses, or the food, or the speeches. They will remember that you looked beautiful, and happy & relaxed and had the best wedding they’ve ever been to!

    Liked by 1 person

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  3. Morgan

     /  December 21, 2016

    The rules of weddings: #1 have all legal matters handled so you can marry your SO. #2 be with people you love and who make you smile. After that everything else is just … stuff. I will say from having assisted heavily in my sister’s wedding, there are a few tips. Things like if you are wearing Spanx and panties and/or pantie hoes, please, for the love of all things good in life, PLEASE, try them on at least once before your wedding to insure the holes for you to go to the bathroom are lined up correctly. Otherwise, a situation involving rusty scissors, a maid/en of honor on her knees, and a bride with her dress pulled up legs open could occur… again. Also if the ladies helping you get dressed haven’t done so before, do a practice run in how to put in any clips or combs for veils or attachments. A case of helmet hair brought on by an entire can of hairspray, may have caused me to dig a hair comb into my sister’s scalp.

    As for the dresses, bachelorette party, and who stands up with you. If your two cousins don’t have dresses yet, you can send them the link but with online retailers you really need to research the company to make sure they are quality, otherwise you could end up with something bad at the last minute with little to no chance of replacing it. Black is great and fine for dresses just make sure their jewelry has shine or gleam or color to it. Black can be worn again, in asking someone to buy a dress the cost to re-wearabilty is most important to factor in. If you and your cousins have time for a bachelorette party then great have a night out for a meal. If others come that’s up to you but think of it more as a chance to relax and take a break from the wedding and anything else for a morning, afternoon, or night. It’s a time to laugh and have fun and recall past stories with each other. Do what makes you happy and laugh. Finally, it’s a new era, who stands up with you is your choice. Rather than calling them maids of honor you can call them best friends of honor and cover both your cousins and your SO’s gents. You can call them your sanity or your laugh pack. The label might matter to others but in truth it’s about who helps you and your SO make it through what can be a very stressful day.

    It’s been six years now and still it’s the stories full of laughter that my sister, her husband, and everyone involved in their wedding remember. It can be a lot of pomp and circumstance but it’s the laughter and smiles and ahhhhh moments that will be recalled fondly, not if you controlled every single second of the day.

    Liked by 1 person

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  4. Joan

     /  December 21, 2016

    I think everyone who has commented has zeroed on that the most important thing is to be happy, be relaxed and what you feel is right. As long as you and the SO agree the rest doesn’t matter. Have fun!

    Liked by 1 person

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  5. Your Wedding should be your Wedding. I have done all kinds of weddings for people. One who pinned boutonnieres to their camouflage t-shirt. The best man wore a powder blue suit from the 70’s and the bride had a black flowered shirt and pinned stripped pants and a veil. One bride went completely bridezilla and had everything matching and expensive. One groom had no one sitting on his side of the church. Another couple had a musician who forgot the date of the wedding and I played the wedding march one-fingered (I am not musically gifted) on the organ. The thing that made each of them special was that the bride and groom was happy. If you try to follow “the rules” you could become, unhappy, broke and friendless. Take a breath and do what makes you happy. Send the link to your girls, there are many different shades of colors and one persons black is another persons shimmering evening gown. Its your wedding, Have Fun and make great memories.

    Liked by 1 person

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  6. Fae

     /  December 22, 2016

    Hadena, I don’t think anything you’ve mentioned is unreasonable.

    Send the link to your bridesmaids, they might surprise you and be totally thrilled with your choice. I think that as long as you are happy with the choices YOU make, the day will be fabulous. Don’t be frightened to ask your maids on honour to help you out if you stressed. My M-O-H organised the flowers, the DJ, the cake AND my wedding lingerie for me (with my approval, of course). Think I would’ve eloped if it hadn’t been for her keeping me sane!!! Good luck and all the best, sending love and calming wishes your way, Fae

    Liked by 1 person

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