Another Round of Stupid Comments/Questions


It’s been a little while since I blogged, but I’ve been very busy trying to write.  So, here’s another round of Stupid Things I Get Asked:

Do you write your books on post-it notes? – No.  I don’t even plot with Post-It notes, it would be impossible to write an entire book on them.

I’m confused.  I thought Aislinn Cain died in Butchered Dreams, so how are there more books? – I have just become as confused as them… Where does Aislinn die in Butchered Dreams?

Do you ever worry that putting all your ideas into books will make you forgetful? – Um, what?

You know gay marriage is legal in Missouri now, right?  – Yep, but I’m not entirely sure why you are pointing this out to me.

If I write a book about the end of the world and it happens, am I liable? – What exactly are the chances that the world will end because it gets taken over by werewolves?  Also, if it does happen, I think we will all be too busy running from the werewolves to take you to court over it. (Now, insert Wisconsin joke here)

Do I need to put a period after every sentence? – As opposed to what, exactly?  I’m pretty sure the rule is every sentence that doesn’t end in ? or ! requires a period.

Congrats!  I heard you sold 20 books.  You know, I’ve sold about 700.  Did they buy all your series? – That was 20 books on B&N in one day (B&N customers seem to hate me).

Thanks for the suggestion, I’m going to contact your proofer, Pen Smith.  I hope he’s really good.  Does he mind reading romance? – My proofer is a lady… and her name is Krissy, not Pen.  And I had already told the writer 5 times that SHE did proof romance and sent her to her webpage.

I tried to contact your cover artist, but she lives in Canada and I don’t think I can hire a Canadian.  Isn’t that the same as hiring an illegal alien? – I’m fairly certain Angela with Covered Creatively is in Canada legally.

I have a job, can I still write a book or will that get me in trouble?  – Trouble with who?

I just finished all The Dysfunctional Chronicles and I really liked them, but I don’t understand why all your books are so violent.  Did you grow up in a war zone or have PTSD? – Well, I don’t consider Missouri a war zone and my experience with traumatic events is limited, so I don’t think I have PTSD.  Can’t a lady just like a little violence?

I loved all the Dreams and Reality books, are you going to write more of them?  Nadine Daniels is awesome and I love her Great Danes.  Also, I’d like to read more of The Black Dagger Brotherhood, Aislinn Cain is great. – I think you are very confused about my books as well as the books by J.R. Ward.

You talk a lot about the plague, but I’ve never heard of it.  What’s the plague?  Do you think that is going to be the start of the apocalypse? – Uh…

Why don’t you write a book about a guy travels the world in a crop duster that inseminates people with alien babies? – Why don’t you write it?

A Long One:

Them: I’m done with my book.  I was hoping you’d say it was okay to send it to you.  I know you like horror and I wrote a book about a woman who gets trapped in a mirror and has to get out. 

Me: Do you want me to beta read it?

Them: Oh no, nothing like that.  I need it edited, I need a cover, I need someone to put it up on all the sites.

Me:  Okay, you want me to act as a publisher?

Them: Yes!  I figure about $200 should cover all your costs plus give you some extra.

Me: The cover alone is going to cost $150.  Editing is going to be about $600.  Then it will need a proofer and that’s going to cost you based on how many words it is.  If you want it formatted for all the sites, that’s going to be close to $100.  So, I’ll give you all the contact information for the people I use, but I’m not going to act like a publisher, especially not for a $100.

Them:  Well, I know it will be a bestseller, so I’m going to send it to you anyway.  You can read and decide if want to help me or not.

Me (six days later):  I read your book.  It’s six thousand words long and the main character changes her name 10 times.  Also, you never explained why she got trapped in a mirror or how she got out.  In the first few lines, she was sucked in like Alice and then in the last paragraph she was tossed out like Alice.  I think it needs some serious work.

Them: You aren’t very helpful and I don’t know why you are being so mean.  Every friend who read it said it was great.  I’ll go talk to someone else.

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8 Comments

  1. a better class of friend

     /  September 21, 2016

    Do you ever want to tell them that they need better friends — ones that don’t lie to them about how great their book/novella is? lol

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  2. Joan

     /  September 21, 2016

    I don’t know how you can read some of those comments and keep your sanity. Although a novel without punctuation would be very ee cummings

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  3. I am in tears from laughing

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  4. patricia Lupien

     /  September 22, 2016

    I love it . I needed a good laugh . I understand why you write about violence after dealing with that. How are you feeling by the way.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  5. “Can’t a girl just like a little violence? ”
    Such a great quote. Hope to see it in an upcoming D&R book!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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