Venting About My Back Because He’s Partially To Blame…

Unless you want to listen to a rant, feel free to skip this post.

August 16, 2015, I twisted while picking something up and did something to my back.  It hurt like hell.  I went to the doctor and it was diagnoses as a lower back strain with nerve inflammation.  They were only half right (but we’ll get to that).  I was given a list of instructions to follow:

  • No stooping, no bending, no squatting, no kneeling
  • No lifting anything over 5 pounds
  • Only light household chores (like dusting)
  • Laundry, vacuuming, dishes, and cooking were in fact mentioned as “forbidden” activities.
  • For no less than 2 weeks, preferably 4 weeks

However, laundry and dishes don’t do themselves.  Vacuuming and dusting can in fact wait a few weeks.  Cooking – well it is a necessity.

Granted, I have a man that lives with me.  Yet, by the middle of week one, I was already back to doing laundry, dishes, cooking, etc.  And heaven forbid an injury interfere with his weekend plans, so I was going to the campground, lugging groceries and clothes, helping with stuff he wanted me to do, etc.

It is not my sciatic nerve… It’s a disk and vertebrae problem.  One that has been getting worse over the last year because every successive time I have hurt my back, my SO has picked up the slack for only a few days and I’ve had to take over after that.  Which means back to laundry and cooking and doing everything I was told not to do for at least 2 weeks.

He acts like I’m faking it.  It doesn’t matter that I don’t enjoy doing the things I used to do, like playing darts, I can’t possibly hurt as bad as I say I do.  Or at least, that’s the impression he gives.

Now, I have a small vertebrae fracture in my lower back; it’s 1.1cm long.  It is indicative of a larger problem; either an herniated, bulging, or ruptured disk in my spine.  It’s serious enough that my health insurance took only 15 minutes to approve an MRI (it took nearly 2 months for my neurologist to get approval for a CT contrast scan), bone density scan, and a full body bone scan (looking for other anomalies).  I’m experiencing weakness in both legs; more in the right than the left.  I didn’t know I was experiencing it until he had me do the push/pull thing with my feet and legs.

I got some new instructions:

  • No standing or walking for more than five minutes at a time.
  • No lifting anything over two pounds.
  • No stooping, bending, kneeling, or squatting.
  • No taking Lola the Destroyer out on a leash.
  • No carrying things very far even if it is under 2 pounds.
  • No household chores, not even light chores like dusting.
  • Watch for things that increase the pain.

He’s all pissed off about it.  We are supposed to go to the campground this weekend and start forming a concrete patio.  I can’t help.  I can’t even help with Lola the Destroyer if I go.  Nor will I be able to cook dinner or clean up after it.  I know if I go, I will end up doing exactly what the doctor said not to do, because my SO will have a meltdown about my lack of assistance.  Tonight, I explained everything and told him I didn’t think I was going to go this weekend.  Now, he won’t hardly talk to me.

Which has me incredibly pissed off because part of this is his fault.  If he had picked up the slack and done the laundry for four weeks, cooked the meals, helped with dishes, allowed me to actually rest, I might not be in the shape I’m in.  Instead, I’m facing the possibility of spinal surgery.

He’s mad at me for something he partially caused and I’m being treated like an asshole because I hurt my back and it didn’t heal because I wasn’t able to follow a few weeks of simple doctor’s orders.


Leave a comment


  1. Hadena, I simpithise greatly with your situation, I have ME and fibromyalgia, often seen as not serious as there is no out wood signs of illness. I often feel that those closest to me dont always take me serious when I say I’m to exhausted or its to painfull to do things., and , like you I often push well past my limits just to keep the peace when all I really want to do is curl up on the couch and allow my body the rest it is crying out for. I dont know if you have shown your ‘rant’ to your SO, maybe you should. I’m sure things would be totally different if the boot was on the other foot. I hope you manage to find a way to balance all aspects of your life… and just know that there are people out here who know how hard it is,

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lynda

     /  August 17, 2016

    Sympathies and prayers. My girlfriends and I get together regularly to commiserate on our husbands, my hubby loves it because he knows how unhelpful he is but the other husbands are worse. As he puts it, they have set the bar so low it is buried and they make him look better. One of my friends is seriously considering running away from home. She stays because the child and dogs would never eat or bathe again.


  3. Rosanne Parks

     /  August 17, 2016

    Men can be so childish at times — pouting doesn’t get them anywhere. Being in pain all of the time is very draining and depressing for the person suffering. Hang in there and I hope you feel better soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. trisha renwick

     /  August 18, 2016

    Perhaps it’s time to find a new SO. You really deserve someone who is willing to put you and your needs first and foremost. Is he really worth living in pain because he is such a baby he can’t take care of things himself?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. All I can say is demand respect and don’t put up with anything less. I’m writing this from the hospital with a back injury, and my husband has dropped everything, including work, to be by my side and make sure everything is taken care of at home. I hope the two of you find your way so you can get the love and respect you deserve… it will help him feel closer to you as well.

    Liked by 1 person


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