Like most people, I get a ton of spam. This is particularly true of my Hadena James email account. It’s sort of public and therefore, it’s a hot bed for spam. I’ve been having some internet/network problems and some migraine issues the last few days and one of the things I did was catalogue all the spam I was getting. Here are the top 10 things my email thinks I should care about:
10. Reverse Mortgages on my home (which is actually not owned by me, but by my mother) – I’m not sure I’m old enough for this one anyway.
9. Male enhancement products – I admit to opening a few of these, just to see what they were. From penis pumps to rhino horn, you can click a link to buy just about anything (I would strongly recommend not doing that).
8. Female enhancement products – again, I had to look at a few, never know what the adult entertainment world is going to come out with next. There is actually a device you can buy to make your nipples larger, temporarily. You can also buy fake nipples, but I knew that from watching Sex and the City. They also now have nipple implants. It seems we are very focused on nipples nowadays.
7. Beauty Tips from Cindy Crawford – All those knockout models from the 80’s and 90’s are still looking pretty good, but let’s be totally honest, I can’t take tips from the woman who sells me Avon. The few times I’ve tried, I looked like a very badly made up transvestite.
6. Political Adverts – I don’t care what side of the fence you normally stand and vote on, to each their own. However, our current political candidates seem to be filming an episode of Jackass. In the end, Trump is going to win and we are all going to scratch our heads and wonder what happened to the real candidates.
5. Kim Kardashian Sex Tape – I am still not sure I know who she is. For some reason, I think she has a kid named North West, which isn’t quite as bad as Pilot Inspektor, but there was still room for improvement. I have no idea why I want to watch her homemade porn. For that matter, I wouldn’t watch Jason Lee’s homemade porn video either, but at least I know who he is.
4. Book Marketing Tips from the Masters – This sounds like a good idea, until you realize that it’s going to cost you $1,000 to get these tips and frankly, what works for them, may not work for me. As a matter of fact, with the exception of every April, I do pretty well without that $1,000 investment. April has sucked every year that I have published though, so I don’t take it personally.
3. Health Facts about Juicing – I have never had a desire to juice anything. Sending me the recipe for banana, kale, radish, leek, and cucumber juice does not scintillate my taste buds at the mere mention. Furthermore, I’m not shelling out the $300 for the juicer they keep telling me I can’t live without. I’ve done okay for 35 years without it. I think I can survive another 35, unless I start drinking banana, kale, radish, leek, and cucumber juice.
2. Come Join FarmerOnly.com or Match.com or EHarmony.com or blahblah.com – I’m not married, but I am in a relationship. I did not find him on any of these sites. And let’s be honest, Farmersonly.com does not want me… I’m a city girl . I did have a cowboy interested in me once when I was in high school. The interest vanished when he discovered I liked to write dark, creepy stories about ghosts, demons, serial killers, and things that go bump in the night.
and 1… Learn Melissa McCarthy’s secret to losing 75 pounds! – I love Melissa. She cracks me up. My first introduction to her was through Gilmore Girls. Imagine my shock and surprise when I watched Identity Thief, the first movie I had seen of hers. That woman says things that just boggle my mind. Her characters are always so different from Sookie St. James. I’m beginning to believe she’s a little more like Tammy than Sookie. It’s great that she lost weight. However, I don’t care how she did it. I just intend to watch her next movie and more episodes of Gilmore Girls. For the record, Spy was awesome!! Her and Statham really made that movie work.
That wraps up my spam email summary for the last week. It’s amazing the things people will peddle with spam.