To say I have commitment phobia is an understatement. I have trouble committing to what I’m fixing for dinner or whether I intend to leave my house during the day or not. Sometimes, making and keeping plans is a huge thing for me and not one that I excel at for several reasons.
A week ago, my SO dragged me out car shopping. We both agreed that we needed a reliable vehicle to take trips in and for me to use as a daily driver. But we were just looking and it was just talk. We did find one that struck our fancy, but it wasn’t going to happen.
However, this morning we had an appointment to test drive it. We did. It drove great, but it wasn’t like we were going to get the loan. I have student loan debt and a bank recently screwed him over on a loan that he paid off.
We ran his credit anyway. They come back and ask me to fill out an application, which I did, knowing they were going to look at my credit score combined with my self employment and monthly average income and start laughing. They might even frame it to point out to other people. (I will say I had not looked at my credit score in more than a decade and I have never had a loan, which actually lowered my credit score or so I was told by the financing guy at the dealership)
To my shock, we were approved! Now comes the really terrifying part… I have to sign legally binding paperwork with my SO to say that we will pay this loan off because we just bought a car together. The salesman thinks I’m pissed off because he got my last name wrong, we act like husband and wife, he just assumed we were married. I tried to explain to him that I’m used to it, it wasn’t a problem, just a few forms to change. But how do you explain that you are on the verge of a panic attack because you are in fact buying a car with the guy you have lived with for five years?
Four hours, several text messages with my best friend, some negotiating, and our signatures on at least a million documents later, we co-own a Toyota Highlander. I have not owned a car in 4 years. I have not co-owned a car with anyone other than my parents, ever. This is the single most terrifying thing I have ever done, but I did it. I also came home really stressed out with a terrible headache and a slight touch of nausea.
Maybe this shows personal growth on my part… I also came home and wrote a serial killer chapter, possible to relieve my stress because it wasn’t the chapter I planned to write.