I stared at my computer screen for approximately nine hours today. During that nine hours, I wrote about 462 words about nipples or nipple-related topics. For the record, I can’t go into what a nipple-related topic is… it’s a serial killer thing.
Yesterday, I spent four hours at my computer and banged out approximately 2,000 words of serious insanity and rambling, approximately 1,500 words regarding a cannibal, and approximately 1,500 words about greediness. Also, I wrote another 5,000 words of “main serial killer” story which is a mix of insanity and lucidity. None of these bothered me.
Yet, my attempt to finish the last chapter needed for Summoned Dreams is being foiled by nipples. If I have a weakness, this is it. I don’t write sex in my books, partly because I don’t read it and partly because I can’t. However, as a writer of serial killer thrillers, I know that there has to be at least one sexually motivated serial killer in the world of Aislinn Cain. And I know that I have to suck it up and write it.
But my brain futzes out when I try… This seems like a weird writer’s stumbling block. I wrote a chapter about human stew, but I can’t write a chapter where a guy masturbates? What the hell is wrong with me? I’m not a prude. I’m not repressed. I’m not ashamed by sex. It doesn’t make me uncomfortable to talk about it, read about it, or even draw stick figures in weird positions (I can’t draw anything other than stick figures). One night, while playing darts with a couple of girl friends, we drew a dirty picture on the white board, with each person adding on every time they marked their score.
So, why can’t I write about it? Why is it easier for me to make my serial killers cannibals than sexual fetishist? That’s what went wrong with Cannibal Dreams. My killer was a voraphile and I couldn’t write it because he was sexually excited by cannibalism. I was fine with the cannibal part… not the sex part.
And it is one chapter. Just one, minimum requirement of 1,200 words, and I am struggling to get it to 500. *deep sigh* I suck. Sorry betas, give me one more day… I have to get this killer on the page or it doesn’t make sense. I may have to hire someone to write the freakin’ scene.