Life’s Practical Joke


I’m sick, just FYI… fever, nausea, general malaise, fatigue and a headache.   So I had a lot of time to think today.

Occasionally, life slaps me in the face with the fact that I’m getting older.  I switched the photo that I’m using on the back covers of my books, starting with Explosive Dreams.  It isn’t “current,” it’s about six years old, but it’s a great pic and I haven’t changed that much in looks since then… or so I thought.  While getting paperback copies to darters, I got several comments on how young I looked.  They all wanted to know when it was taken.  I was 28 at the time (I’ll be turning 34 in August).  This seemed to shut everyone up and the comments changed to “that’s a great picture.”  Yeah, thanks.  A week earlier, I had to discuss with my doctor that I might be entering early menopause.  I have PCOS and early menopause is more common in women with PCOS.  I have symptoms… I’m waiting until November to confirm or squash the possibility.  So, on top of being told I must have been very young in the new photo, I’m thinking I might be entering menopause.

Then, I had to deal with yet another female acquaintance announcing their pregnancy.  I’m to that age where most of my friends have kids.  Some young, some a little older, but all of them still tagging along with mom and dad when they do things.  For the record, I don’t really like kids.  I used to think I liked other people’s kids, but I’ve found that it was a false belief.  I don’t even like other people’s children.  Hell, last time I dog sat overnight, I was wondering what the hell was wrong with me.

Yep, feeling old.

Then life pulled it’s best practical joke… This is normally the “Mother’s Curse,” you know the one… “When you have children, I hope they act just like you.”  I don’t have to worry about that.  I’m not having children.  For me, it was the realization that I was turning into my parents.

I saw young people, late teens or early twenties, jogging down the road.  They were all dressed in jogging gear.  One had a baseball hat turned backwards and my first thought was “hoodlums.”  What?!?  Where did that come from?  Oh man, that sounds like something my dad would say.  I’m screwed.  If I’m going to age like one of my parents, I’d prefer to age like my mom.  She still finds the interesting, funny, off-the-wall things in life.  My dad is a grouch… he could give Oscar a run for his money.  I called to check on him because he hadn’t been feeling well and he immediately wanted to know what I wanted from him.  Since I don’t call my dad wanting things, I found that rude, but chalked it up to him not feeling well.  Then one day he called me and said “what do you want?” in the same tone.  Um, I don’t know, dad, you called me… what do you want?

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1 Comment

  1. Maria D.

     /  May 21, 2014

    OMG! Seriously this cracked me up….I have always had “female issues” so I totally understand what you are going through with the PCOS…the thing about your picture….Can’t say that i have thought about how old or not old you looked in it….lol….but yeah…you gotta love how people say things and then you end up insulted in the process….your dad…cracks me up! And yes…we do turn into our parents…lol….I would have thought the same thing you did…lol

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