Ooh La La – So Sexy


People who have never lived with their SO always have this romanticized, sanitized version of what life is like… They can have sex whenever they want.  They imagine breakfasts in bed and long days spent enjoying each other’s touch.  They envision their new roommate will fulfill their needs and make them happy.  I’m here to explode that myth… Living together is anything but sexy.  It’s a miracle people who live together ever reproduce.

Here’s the reality… You are going to become intimately familiar with your partner’s bodily functions.  And them with yours.  And there is nothing you can do to stop this.  There are going to be times when you belch without expecting it, sneeze and find shoestrings hanging from your nostrils, laugh so hard you loudly pass gas (or worse), choke on food or drink and end up yakking your guts up from the coughing fit (or wetting yourself) and a whole host of other things you never want others to see happen.  There will be times of upset stomach and when you (or your partner) leaves the bathroom, it smells like roadkill… in August… and it’s about a week old.  Or there will be extremely loud vomiting that even two rooms away, you can still hear and you have to fight really hard to suppress your own gag reflex.

There will be nights of snoring and drooling and coughing in your sleep.  For example, tonight, my SO is at a dart tournament and I am home, still sick.  I was asleep, but I woke myself up.  I texted him to see how the tournament was going.  He told me then asked why I was up.  I answered honestly.  I had drooled enough that I had to flip my pillow. Oh yeah, super sexy.

There is dirty laundry… and it isn’t yours.  Socks and underwear really are the worst, especially when they are just left lying, to ferment on the floor, in either the bathroom or the bedroom.  It’s one thing to pick up your own dirty socks and undies.  Totally another when you have to pick up your partner’s.

Then the are the inevitable calls from the bathroom:  I need a towel or We’re out of toilet paper, bring me some.

Luckily, all the crap listed above helps build intimacy.

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5 Comments

  1. You know you’re in love when you adore your partner’s imperfections.

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    • Yep, I had been thinking about this post for a week, because one of my friends called me horrified because she had walked into the bathroom and found her date sitting on the toilet. My first thought was “my married friends don’t even bother to shut the door.” Then last night, I really did text my SO and tell him that I had drooled so much because of flu that I woke myself up. He responded with “that’s so sexy.” That’s when it became crystal clear the differences between “dating” and “living together.”

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  2. Maria D.

     /  January 5, 2014

    Lol…so very true! I think that there was an episode of Sex and the City that dealt with the bathroom use and passing of gas when you get comfortable in a relationship with your SO…..lol

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    • I remember an episode with Samantha sick and none of the men in her black book would come help her. And an episode with Aiden & Carrie when Aiden overeats all that chicken and asks her to rub his belly. But I don’t remember the other one.

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  3. anonymous

     /  January 7, 2014

    OMG! It has been so cold and miserable outside that I decided to have a Sex and the City marathon over the weekend. It has been years since I watched any of them. Carrie and the whole passing gas episode is still a favorite, especially when Big puts the whoopie cushion on her chair at dinner.

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