And The World Grew Dark…


I felt it coming last night.  A freight train barreling towards me at breakneck speeds.  I took the drugs and instead of knocking me on my ass and sending me for the nearest softish surface before slipping into unconsciousness, they forced my eyes wide open and my brain to kick into overdrive.

Six hours later, a second dose and sleep proved even more elusive.  The migraine that threatened to send me over the edge into blinding pain, slowing down, not stopping.

As dawn approached, there was no relief on the horizon.  My eyes hurt.  My neck hurt.  The muscles in my shoulders tightened.  Still no migraine though, nothing to send me to sleep.  Nothing to force my body into complete shutdown mode where I could sleep it off.

My head isn’t throbbing.  It should be.  My brain should be keeping time with my heart in a blindingly painful crescendo that would shame any drum solo.

The “secret” migraine… The migraine that sucks more than the one that makes us deliriously unable to function.  The pain-less migraine.

These migraines have all the symptoms: auras, tunnel vision, inability to focus or concentrate, stomach upset, irritability, mood swings, personality changes, sleeplessness, restlessness, vertigo, and sensitivity to light and sound (photophobia and audiophobia).

Yet, for those that have never had one; the theory is no pain, no problem.

For those that have had them, they are worse than the ones with pain.  They last longer.  The medicine doesn’t work as well.  And that horrid, excruciating pain that feels like our brain is going to explode with every heart beat is what makes us fall asleep.  Without that pain to slip us into oblivion, we are walking shells of ourselves.  Unable to function, unable to sleep, unable to shake the migraine that we know exists.

Waiting… These migraines require us to wait.  Wait for them to either pass away, fleeing our brains like fading dreams or crash into us unexpectedly with so much intensity, our knees become weak, we wish our hearts would stop beating because the pain is more than excruciating, it is torture.  In these crazed moments, we begin to think trepanning really isn’t all that bad of an idea… our brains feel like they swell with each throb, pushing against the skull.  In the haze, we wonder if it will fracture the skull with the next throb or the one after that.  We lie in bed with a wet cloth on our heads, masks over our eyes, ear plugs in and pray we pass out.

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2 Comments

  1. Crud! I hope you get over the migraine soon and get some relief!

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  2. As one who lives with intractable pain, I sympathise with you. While your pain is God-given (or, for the secular, nature-given), mine is iatrogenic (doctor-caused), and is a form of chemically-induced spinal meningitis. As you know, dear Hadena, my third thriller, Cry of the Needle, which revolves around the carnage caused by unnecessary spinal procedures. It already has more than 50 5-star reviews on Kindle, and following one of your earlier posts, I’m thinking of heading down the Kickstarter route, albeit in an effort to fund a top screenwriter. Colin Farrell’s agent intimated that he won’t spend time reading my book until it has a screenplay. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.
    Roger Radford

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