Bizarre Reviews

Last night, I was poking around for a few new books to read (because my “to-be read list” isn’t nearly long enough) and noticed a pattern of weird and bizarre reviews.

I don’t know what to think of reviews that are way out there in left field.  For example, I was looking at crime thrillers and came upon this little gem:

“The book was good, but I had trouble believing the killer was using a vegetable peeler and that the killer was a woman.”

Um, I think you can kill someone with a vegetable peeler.  I haven’t tried it, but I’m sure it would work.  They have pointy ends and that is pretty much the basic requirement for anything that pierces flesh… although, blunt objects will do it if you have enough force behind it.  And frankly, I can think of a few situations in which a woman would use a vegetable peeler to kill people… I’m sure your average housewife has considered it at least once in her life.  And why can’t women be killers?  Oh and by the way, thanks for the spoilers!

Another review, different book, same genre:

“There was a lot of blood, fighting, and death.  There was a lot of sex.  I don’t like reading about sex or death, so I didn’t like this book.  I returned it because it was so bad.”

You bought a crime thriller where the description included the words “serial killer,” “violent,” and “love affair.”  Then you claim you didn’t like it?  … … … … … … … … … …

However, my personal favorite (about a murder mystery):

“I don’t know what this book is about.  I bought it a while ago and haven’t read it.  But it has a great cover.”

So, when Amazon sent you a reminder to review it, you remembered you had it, but hadn’t read it, then decided it was a good idea to review it anyway?  And you gave it 5-stars based on the cover?

As an author, I beg, cajole, plead, and throw myself at the feet of others in order to get reviews.  And I admit, that sometimes the reviews are a little different.  But I have never had anyone say they didn’t read it, but liked the cover.  I did have someone say they didn’t enjoy all the sex in my one of my books, which made me scratch my head a little bit (primarily, what book did they read? Because I don’t remember writing anything erotic, steamy or even lewdly suggestive… heck, I’m not sure I’ve written anything even mildly suggestive).

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  1. How about this one for Cry of the Needle: ‘Romantic suspense, great character development. Exposes some of the problems with the pharmaceutical industry. I had to skip the sex scenes because they were too graphic.’

    Excuse me, but if you had to skip them, how did you know they were too graphic? Anyway, they were hardly 50 Shades of Gray.


    • But at least you have sex in your books, I just have snarky comments about it… And I don’t know how graphic they were in Schreiber’s Secret, I admit that I skipped 99.9% of them, but the one I did read was pretty tame. 😀


  2. Maria D.

     /  October 19, 2013

    Lol…you both crack me up….I can’t believe some of the silly stuff people put in reviews



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