Getting Into The Grind


I’ve had a little trouble getting motivated this week to write.  I have edits coming at the end of the week and I’m not sleeping.  This seems to be a recipe for disaster or rather, for not writing.

I’m a worrier by nature (part of that pesky anxiety disorder).  I worry about things that other people do not and with my vivid imagination, I can picture the scenarios working themselves out.

For example, on Saturday, my SO was standing on the bench seat at truck & tractor pull.  We were sitting on the top row with a railing behind us.  That did not stop me from freaking out.  I could imagine the railing giving way and him plummeting to the ground. Or loosing his footing and falling through the railing.  Or the added stress of his entire body weight causing the bench to collapse and send us all plummeting to the ground.  Or him loosing his footing and going forward, through the crowd, his body jostled and manipulated into odd positions causing multiple fractures and/or worse.

I’ve been trying to contact my friend whose husband was in a motorcycle wreak on Saturday.  I know how he is doing, there are updates on Facebook.  I don’t know how she is doing… Like me, she has an anxiety disorder.  So when she didn’t respond to a text and a phone call yesterday, I began to freak a little.  Is she overwhelmed?  Does she need something or someone to come help her?  Is something else wrong and she doesn’t want to talk to me?  Is she mad at me for something (paranoia accompanies anxiety)?

I tossed and turned all night, worrying about her.

LuckilyI awoke to rain, no walk this morning.  My ankle didn’t really want to go anyway.  It still hurts.  I think it is the way I sleep.  The rest of me didn’t want to go either after two nights of not sleeping.

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